Photo by Arnaud Mesureur on UnsplashAuthor:Jordan B. Peterson

Guiding words

The author of this article, Jordan B. Peterson, is a former professor in the Department of Psychology at Harvard University and is now a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, a clinical psychologist.I was lucky enough to watch his "Twelve Rules of Life", yesThe author's summary of life experience, about work and growth, I believe it will be helpful to you, is shared with you here.

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It is much easier to fall than to forge aheadPlease stay away from bad friends

1. Stand upright, head upright, chest high

A person's posture and spirit will affect others' first impression and evaluation of him.

Remember: if you continue to hang your head like a failed lobster, people will look down on you, and the dominance level "computer" in your brain will give you a very low rating.

Your serotonin production will be insufficient, and you will be more likely to feel anxious and sad, afraid to assert yourself, and not have access to high-quality shelter, resources, and partners.

Positive feedback loops through body language can also occur in social interactions. If you're depressed and depressed, you'll also feel small and frustrated, and the reaction of others will amplify your feelings.

Like lobsters, they evaluate each other based on their body posture, and if you appear to be a failure, then others will treat you as a failure; If you stand upright, people will treat you differently.

Be cautious about your posture and stop hovering with your head down. Step tall, look straight ahead, and take risks so your nerve pathways are filled with much-needed serotonin.

There used to be a book called "High Energy Pose", which came from a TED talk, and the core can be summed up in one sentence: let posture determine who you are.

2. Be kind to yourself

In primitive times, people would understand the world from the perspective of survival. Take yourself seriously, redefine yourself, cultivate your personality, choose your goals, and be clear about your existence.

If you took care of yourself, what would your life look like in the future?

What kind of career should I choose to become a rewarding and socially beneficial person? When I have time and energy, how can I improve my health, expand my knowledge, and strengthen my body?

You need to know where you are before you can plan your route. You need to know who you are before you can balance your strengths and weaknesses; You need to know where you want to go before you can control the chaos in your life, restore order, and fill the world with the divine power of hope.

You need to know your direction first, so that you can protect yourself in a timely manner, so as not to end up full of complaints and grudges;

You need to be clear about your principles so that others can't easily take advantage of you;

You need to be disciplined, keep the promises you make to yourself, and reward yourself in a timely manner, so that you can better trust and motivate yourself;

You need to aim to become a better person even more. Good things don't happen automatically, we need to work on strengthening ourselves.

Don't underestimate the power of vision and direction, which can turn seemingly insurmountable obstacles into wide, unobstructed paths. Take yourself seriously, redefine yourself, cultivate your personality, choose your goals, and be clear about your existence.

The great philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche of the 19th century once said brilliantly: "A man who knows what he lives for can endure any kind of life." ”

When you think about it, you can answer clearly: What is the direction of your life?

It's easy to know what you should be working on and what you need to do. It is only after I have figured this out that I have achieved freedom of time and freedom of mind.

3. Choose the right friend

When a person has a low sense of self-worth or refuses to take responsibility for their own lives, they choose to be friends with people whose lives are already in shambles.

Bad habits are contagious, but self-discipline and stability are not, because it is much easier to fall than to forge ahead, please stay away from bad friends.

If you have such a friend, end the relationship, get out of here and go somewhere else, pick yourself up again, and then lead by example and inspire others.

You are not obligated to support someone who makes the world a worse place, you should choose friends who are motivated and good for you, not selfishly, but to make each other better.

If you surround yourself with people who support your progress, then they won't tolerate your cynicism or broken jars. They will encourage you to be kind to yourself and others, and they will discreetly spur you on when appropriate, and strengthen your determination to do things seriously.

On the contrary, people who are not motivated will hand cigarettes to those who have quit smoking, pour alcohol to those who have quit drinking, they will withdraw their support and companionship for you because they are jealous of your efforts and successes, and sometimes even take the initiative to punish you.

They will use real or fabricated personal experiences to suppress you, which may seem like a test of your resolve, but more often than not, they really want to thwart you because your progress dwarfs them.

Be friends with people who genuinely wish you well.

4. Compare with yesterday's self

The most common mistake many people make when setting goals is to make the mistake of comparing themselves to others.

You should set a goal like this: By tonight, I want my life to be a little better than it was in the morning.

Then ask yourself, "What can I and am willing to do to achieve this?" What kind of reward do I hope to receive? ”

Execute your choices, whether you do it well or not, and celebrate your victory with coffee. You may think it's a bit silly, but that's okay, you're going to do it tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and keep doing it. Over time, your comparison baseline will magically improve, just like compound interest.

Stick with it for three years and your life will be completely different. Then you can set bigger goals, bigger dreams. Your eyes will also become clearer and you will gradually be able to see the world clearly.

Focus, pay attention to your physical and mental environment, and notice what has been bothering you, but you have the ability and willingness to change.

To discover these things, you can ask yourself three questions:

"What's bothering me?"

"Do I have the power to change it?"

"Am I really willing to change it?"

If the answer to one of the questions is no, change the question and narrow it down until you find something that is bothering you, but you have the ability and willingness to change. This alone will take a lot of time.

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the pursuit of meaning,Refuse

5. Don't let your child do things that make you hate them

Parents who really care about their hearts will not let their children who care most become the object of contempt by everyone.

Parents are the arbiters of social rules, and children can only have meaningful and valuable interactions with others if they learn appropriate behavior from their parents.

Psychological studies have long shown that:

• First, extraordinary creativity is extremely rare;

• Second, strict restrictions are actually conducive to the cultivation of creativity.

Like a blind man looking for a wall, a child needs to keep moving forward and trying before he can discover where the boundaries are, and they are often not the same as people claim to be.

You need to be clear about your child's boundaries and use discipline principles.

6. Clean up your room before criticizing the world

Observe your surroundings and start with the small things.

Are you making the most of all the opportunities? Are you trying to grow your career and work hard, or are you letting resentment hold you back? Have you reconciled with your brother? Do you respect your partner and children? Do you have bad habits that destroy your health and well-being?

Have you taken the initiative to take responsibility? Are you honest with your friends and family? Did you do the things that you were able to do and change your life for the better? Have you cleaned up your life?

If the answer is no, maybe you can try to stop doing the things you know are wrong and stop today. If you're sure it's wrong, don't waste time wondering how you judged right from wrong. Untimely questioning will not lead to revelation, but will only create confusion and hinder your actions.

You can tell right or wrong without knowing why, because your whole being will tell you things that cannot be explained or articulated.

Everyone is so complex that it is difficult for everyone to see themselves completely, but we all have wisdom that we cannot comprehend. So, as soon as you have the slightest thought of stopping, stop immediately.

Start by changing your bad habits, recommend using my 100-day action to replace a bad habit with a good one.

7. Pursue meaning and refuse to be reluctant

Find your meaning in life, establish your life rules, and then stick to those ground rules.

The author's basic moral conclusion:Be good, focus your attention, fix what you can, and don't be arrogant because of your knowledge.

Try to be meek, for the pride of powerism manifests itself in intolerance, oppression, torture, and death. Be aware of your own shortcomings, such as cowardice, malice, resentment, and hatred, and see your own murderous heart before blaming others and trying to fix the world.

Pursue meaning, refuse to be compromised.

8. Tell the truth, or at least don't lie

Escaping or telling the truth is not just two different choices, but two life paths, two completely different ways of being. Be someone who dares to say "no".

It is knowingly doing what you know to be wrong, and it is dereliction of duty to allow a mistake that could have been prevented.

Vision aligns immediate behavior with long-term fundamental valuescontact, giving extraordinary importance and meaning to the act of the moment, providing a framework for limiting uncertainty and anxiety.

All targets should be topped by a meta-goal, a way to discover and establish goals.

At first you just tell a little lie, and then you need to cover it up with more little lies. Next you twist your mind to avoid the shame of lying and cover up the consequences of the distortion with more lies.

These necessary lies are transformed into automated, specialized, and structured unconscious beliefs and behaviors over and over again. When hypocritical behavior does not bring the desired results, your life begins to deteriorate. Even if you don't believe in the existence of such a wall, you will be hit on the head and bleed.

If your life isn't as good as it could be, try to tell the truth; If you're desperately clinging to a certain consciousness or indulging in nihilism, try to tell the truth; If you feel vulnerable, useless, hopeless, and confused, try to tell the truth.

Tell the truth, or at least don't lie.

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Face the problem head-on and get to the root causeis the best solution

9. Suppose the person you're listening to knows what you don't know

When people are noticed, they really tell you a lot of things, and sometimes they even tell you what their problems are and how they plan to solve them. Sometimes this can also help you solve some of your own problems.

If you're determined to change the world in your own way and stick to your own opinions, it's better to have your own reasons, and well-thought out reasons, or you could end badly.

Sometimes, you just need to shut up and be a smart person.

When you listen to others, you are listening to yourself. Honest dialogue includes exploration, clarification, and strategy development. In a sincere conversation, most of the time you are listening. Listening is a sign of attention.

10. Face the problem head-on and be precise in your words

It is only when it is expressed and clarified that it becomes visible.

No one can find a partner who is perfect enough not to maintain a relationship, and even if they do, they will leave you because of your imperfections. The truth is, you need someone who is as imperfect as you are.

The things you least want to see will inevitably happen when you are least prepared; What you fear most will also come when you are weakest and it is at its strongest, and you will eventually be defeated.

Don't run away from the problem, face the problem and find the root cause, the best way to solve it.

Say what you really think so you can understand what you really think. Follow your words and you will see the results.

Then focus your attention, observe your mistakes, describe them accurately, and do your best to correct them.This is how you discover the meaning of life, and it also protects you from life's tragedies.

11. Admit reality and oppose prejudice

People who really want to improve the world usually don't try to change others, at least they start by changing themselves.

Don't bother the kids when they're skateboarding, skateboarding is a dangerous sport, and the essence of skateboarding is its danger. Men can become more resilient by motivating themselves and each other.

As the boys drive and drift, they test the limits of the car, their skills, and their composure in a runaway state.

When they rebel against teachers and authority, they are verifying the existence of a real authority that can be relied upon in a crisis. After dropping out of school, they will work in oil wells at minus 40 degrees Celsius, giving up on the so-called bright future.

Such a choice is made not because of cowardice, but because of strength.

Don't disturb kids skateboarding. Men need to be a little more resilient, and so do women.

12. Focus on the goodness that exists

When you're aligned inside and out, you're able to focus on the present moment. Be cautious about everything, organize what you can control, fix the mess, and strive for excellence.

Set aside some time each day to focus on thinking and discussing all the crises and ways to deal with them, and forget about them the rest of the day.

If you don't limit the impact of crisis events on you, you'll end up burning. You need to conserve strength because this is a war, not a battle. You'll have to do your best to deal with every battle that makes up the war.

When you can't help but worry about life's crises, remind yourself that you'll be thinking about them at a dedicated time. The anxiety-generating part of your brain will focus more on whether you have a plan or not than on the details of your plan. Also, don't think about it at night, you will lose sleep as a result, and this will affect the smooth running of everything.

When you meet a cat on the street, pet it. It's an extra source of happiness on good days, and a little respite on bad days.