Have you ever been in such a situation? : How does someone make you look so unpleasant that you can't help but roll your eyes at the thought of him/her? It could be a colleague, a neighbor, or even a relative. You hold a breath in your heart, and you want to turn your face on the spot, but you feel that you are too "naïve" in this way. In fact, if you hate someone, you really don't need to turn your face, because there is a more advanced way of dealing with it, called "cognitive reconstruction". To put it simply, it is to look at the problem from a different perspective and free yourself from the "nasty" emotion. Today, we're going to talk about this "elegant" way of coping.

What is cognitive reconstruction?

Cognitive reconstruction, to put it bluntly, is to adjust the perception of a person or something by changing the way of thinking. For example, when you find someone particularly annoying, try asking yourself, "Why is he/she the way he/she is?" "Am I misunderstanding him/her skewed?" "Is it possible that I magnified him too much? / Her shortcomings? "Through these questions, you can look at the other person more objectively and not be led by emotions by the nose. This method will not only ease your negative emotions, but also make you more comfortable in dealing with relationships.

Why does cognitive restructuring work?

We hate someone, often because some behavior or words of the other person trigger our emotional button. For example, the other person may speak directly and make you feel offended. Or the other party always grabs credit and makes you feel unfair. These emotional responses are actually an instinctive defense mechanism in our brains, but if we keep immersing ourselves in them, we will only make ourselves more and more uncomfortable. At its core, cognitive restructuring helps us get out of the trap of emotions and look at problems in a more rational way. When you realize that some of the other person's actions may not be directed at you, or that he/she has his or her own difficulties, your emotions will gradually calm down.

How to practice cognitive reconstruction?

The first step is to calm down. When you feel a nasty emotion welling up, don't rush into it, take a few deep breaths and give yourself a little time. The second step is to try to see the problem from the other person's point of view. For example, if the other person keeps interrupting you, it may be because he or she is impatient and not deliberately targeting you. The third step is to adjust your expectations. Sometimes, we hate someone because we expect too much from them. For example, you are disappointed that you expect a colleague to offer to help you, but he/she does not. But if you can accept that "everyone has their own priorities", your mood will be much better. Learn to let go. Not all problems need to be solved, and not all of them are worth your time to hate. Focus on the more important things, and you'll find that life is a lot easier.

Practical application of cognitive restructuring

As an example, let's say you have a colleague who always likes to steal the limelight in meetings and makes you feel uncomfortable. If you use cognitive restructuring, think of something like, "He/she may just want to show himself or herself, not to suppress me." Or, "This behavior of his/her is actually a reflection of inner insecurity." When you think like this, your emotions change from "hate" to "understanding" and may even develop a hint of sympathy for him/her. This way, not only will you not affect your mood by hating him/her, but you will also be able to maintain a better relationship in the workplace.

Long-term benefits of cognitive restructuring

Long-term use of cognitive restructuring will not only make you more comfortable in interpersonal relationships, but also improve your emotional management skills. You will find that you are no longer so easily angry at what others say or do, and you will be able to deal with problems more calmly. It can also help you develop empathy, making it easier for you to understand other people's situations and feelings. When you learn to look at others with a more tolerant mindset, your relationships will also become more harmonious.

Hating someone is actually a very normal emotional reaction, but we don't have to be controlled by this emotion. Through cognitive restructuring, we can deal with this emotion in a more elegant and rational way, freeing ourselves from the quagmire of "hate". The next time you meet someone who upsets you, try this method, and maybe you'll find that the nasty isn't so hard to dissolve, and your life will be easier and more enjoyable as a result.

Tips: The medical science knowledge in the content is for reference only, does not constitute a medication guideline, does not serve as a basis for diagnosis, do not do it yourself without medical qualifications, if you feel unwell, please go to the hospital in time.