"When we give too much to someone, we are indulging in his ignorance and selfishness."
Many people in society have this misunderstanding: they think that as long as they are kind and tolerant enough, they can earn the respect and gratitude of others. So we keep sacrificing our time, energy, and even the bottom line to cater to those with low cognitive levels.
However, the results are often not what they wanted. The more you give, the other party will not only not be grateful, but will gain an inch, take your kindness for granted, and regard your concessions as weakness and bullying.
People with a low level of knowledge will not only fail to understand your good intentions, but will even use your help as a reason for them to continue to do nothing.
Then, please don't be too kind to people with low cognitive levels, they will not be grateful.
"If anyone sins against me, I will sin. If anyone honors me, I will honor them. This quote speaks to a fundamental principle in relationships: respect is mutual, and so is gratitude.
But in reality, people with a low level of cognition often can't understand this truth. They are accustomed to taking, but never reflect on the price paid by others.
Have you ever met someone like that? When you put down the important work at hand for a friend's request, but the other party doesn't even say "thank you"; When you give up your dreams for the sake of your family, your family only takes it for granted and even demands more from you. This kind of behavior of ignoring other people's efforts is really infuriating and helpless.
I have a friend in my hometown, Xiao Wang, who is kind and helpful, and he always puts the needs of his friends first. Once, his colleague Xiao Li borrowed money from him, saying that it was an urgent need for his family.
Xiao Wang borrowed it without saying a word, and postponed his plan to travel. A few months passed, and Xiao Li not only did not repay the money, but also said that Xiao Wang was too calculating when Xiao Wang urged him to repay the money. Only then did Xiao Wang realize that his kindness and help did not exchange Xiao Li's gratitude at all, but instead became a reason for him to gain an inch.
"Gratitude to zero" is a scarce commodity, especially for those with low cognitive levels, who simply cannot understand the sacrifices and dedication behind you. They think that if you pay more, that is, you have the ability and you can give, so when you give more, their desire to take will only be stronger.
There is a famous "inch effect" in psychology that speaks of this phenomenon. When you fulfill a small request from someone else, the other person is likely to make a bigger request. This phenomenon is especially pronounced in people with low cognitive levels.
"When a person keeps asking for you without any gratitude, you have to stop decisively, even if it seems cold."
One of the biggest characteristics of people with low cognitive levels is that they take the kindness and help of others for granted. Such people lack basic gratitude because they fail to realize the true cost of others helping them. In their worldview, getting help is the norm, not a favor.
There was once a psychological experiment in which researchers found that when people received help without paying the cost, their level of gratitude decreased significantly. On the contrary, when they have to pay a certain price for the help they receive, they will appreciate the help they receive more. People with low cognitive levels have cognitive blind spots that prevent them from understanding this.
The most typical examples in life are those who always borrow money from friends or relatives and never pay it back. They never think that borrowing money is a charity from others, but rather that it is natural for others to help them.
If you refuse, they will accuse you of being "unrighteous."
My colleague Meiwen once encountered such a problem. After she worked, she made a lot of money, and a cousin often borrowed money from her, and at first Meiwen always lent her money because of family affection.
But then she found out that this cousin never took the initiative to repay the money, and every time she borrowed money, she did not have any gratitude, when Meiwen asked her why you are always short of money, she said: "Women should be kind to themselves!" You're so rich, it won't make a difference to lend me a little. ”
Meiwen understands, she is already her ATM, you are counting on the ATM to be grateful, isn't that a joke?
People with a low level of cognition will not only not be grateful, but will make more demands.
Psychologist Robert Cialdini once argued in his book "Influence" that people's behavior is easily driven by inertia. When they get used to getting some kind of favor from you, their desire to take can become endless. The better you treat these people, the more they look down on you.
"One of the saddest truths in our lives is that when you do your best to help someone, they only take advantage of you."
In the face of people with a low level of cognition, not only will your kindness not be understood, but you will also be reduced to their tool. They don't see your value, they only see what you can do for them.
When you give for them again and again, they will only feel that you are their "backup resource" and ready to use for them. And once you are no longer able to help, they will not hesitate to abandon you.
Such things are not uncommon in reality. A friend, Xiao Li, once became the object of "use" in the department because of his strong ability and serious work in the company.
Colleagues in the department always turn to him for help, especially when there are difficulties at work. Colleagues would thank him at first, but over time they got used to pushing difficult tasks to him, while they themselves enjoyed the results with ease.
Xiao Li once sacrificed his rest time for these colleagues, and even gave up his promotion opportunities. But in the end, instead of thanking him for this, his colleagues took his kindness for granted.
To make matters worse, when he refused to help at one point, his colleagues immediately turned around and accused him of being selfish and unreasonable.
The psychological mechanisms behind this phenomenon can be explained by "instrumentalization theory". People with low cognitive levels never really see you as an independent person, but as a "tool" that meets their needs.
When you are able to meet their needs, they will be friendly to you for a while; But as soon as you can't continue to help, they will immediately show their ruthless side. This kind of "instrumentalized" relationship is destined to be unsustainable and the most chilling.
"The better you treat others, the easier it is to be taken for granted; The more you give without a bottom line, the easier it is to become a vassal of others. ”
We all want to be grateful and rewarded for helping others, but this is often futile when faced with people with low cognitive levels. They lack the most basic gratitude and respect, and will only use your kindness as their own endless capital. In the face of such people, the wisest thing to do is to keep your distance and avoid overgiving.
Each of us should take responsibility for our own value and time, and not waste our limited energy on those who cannot understand and are not grateful.