American psychology professor Melabine made a point in 1971:

In interpersonal communication, only 55% of a person's impression of others depends on the content of the conversation, while auditory information such as tone and volume account for 0%, and visual information such as facial expressions and attitudes are as high as 0%.

In other words, in communication and conversation, it is not important what you say, what matters is what tone and attitude you use.

The "Merabine Law" also applies in the family.

The best appearance of a family is to adhere to the "Merabine Law" and treat the family with the gentlest words and the most kind attitude.

01

Writer Liang Shuang once shared a story of his own in the book.

Once, her parents came to stay there.

In the evening, after her parents fell asleep, she and her husband sat in the living room with great interest to watch a debate show.

Seeing that halfway through, in order to maintain the defense they supported, the two couldn't help but quarrel, and their voices became louder uncontrollably.

At this time, her husband gave her a silent gesture of "shhhhh

As a result, a magical scene happened.

When she whispered her point of view, the two watched the whole show in harmony.

Because after she began to speak quietly, her speed of speech slowed down, her tone became softer, her attitude became gentle, and she was no longer as agitated as she had just been.

That experience made her realize that the fuse of many quarrels was the uncontrolled volume of the arguments:

"I feel more and more that speaking out loud is not boldness, but disregard for the feelings of others.

If you speak a few degrees lower, your sense of well-being can increase several times.

Because shouting loudly will only push the other person farther away, and whispering can bring each other's feelings closer. ”

Since then, she has quit talking loudly, and she will choose to speak in low decibels when communicating with her husband.

The treble is harsh, and the low voice is pleasing to the heart.

When communicating with family members, pay attention to the proportions of what you say, do not yell at your loved ones, and do not use high volumes to solve problems.

No one can feel love from a loud voice or a roar.

When you speak softly to your family, your home can be full of love.

Before, I read a little story about Marie Curie and her husband Pierre.

One year, Marie Curie celebrated her birthday, and her husband, Pierre, used his savings to buy a fancy coat for his wife as a birthday present.

When Marie Curie saw the gift, she was touched by her husband's love for her, but she also felt that she should not buy such a valuable item.

Because they were in a period of funding shortage, they barely had the money to do the experiment.

Under the mixture of love and resentment, she said politely:

"Honey, thank you, thank you, this coat is really liked by everyone who sees it.

But I would say that happiness is connotation, for example, if you send me a bouquet of flowers to congratulate my birthday, it will be much better for us.

As long as we live and fight together forever, it is more precious than any valuables you give me. ”

Marie Curie's euphemistic words not only expressed her own opinions, but also strengthened her relationship with her husband.

Family members are the most important people in us, and the relationship with family members also needs to be carefully managed, and good communication is far better than direct and rude speech.

The gentlest words are the most infectious.

Really smart people are always soft-spoken when communicating with their families.

Between family members, they often say comforting words, and the family will definitely become more and more prosperous.

02

I once looked at a psychology experiment:

The experimenter recorded the mother's speech of more than 10 decibels, played it to 0 children aged 0-0 to listen to, and then asked them to write down the content of the recording.

As a result, only 3.0% of the children wrote correctly.

In other words, the louder the parent speaks, the more difficult it is for the child to concentrate and the more difficult it is for the purpose of education to be achieved.

Speaking in a low voice conveys pleasure and calm to the child; Shouting loudly made him feel depressed and afraid, and he would only get farther and farther away from his parents.

The original meaning of education, whether it is love or dislike, is hidden in the volume of parents' speech.

Bloggers@天明I shared the story of a neighbor's mother who "raised children in a low voice".

The snow-white walls were smeared messily by the child, and instead of shouting a reprimand, the mother whispered to the child:

"The paintings painted on the wall must have a professional brush to look good, you first practice with a crayon book, I will buy you a professional brush, and then you can paint on the wall."

The child stubbornly responded: "I don't, you can buy it for me now." ”

Mom still didn't get angry, and said calmly: You can buy it, there are so many walls in the house, do you want to leave the best painting on the wall or not good-looking?

The child was silent for a moment, and obediently took the drawing book and went to draw.

Studies have found that different tones will have different effects when dealing with the same thing, and adults criticize children, and children are more likely to accept using low tones.

Parents' whispered education will make children feel understood and accepted, and children will naturally be more receptive to their parents' teachings.

Parenting in a whispered way is a blessing for children and parents.

There is a topic on Zhihu: "If you live happily, what do you want to thank your parents the most?" ”

A netizen shared that I would like to thank my parents for never reprimanding me when I made mistakes.

When he was a child, he loved to play football, and once kicked a few pots of precious orchids from his neighbor's house to the ground.

The neighbors rushed out in a rage and cursed, and the father ran out.

Faced with the anger of his neighbors, he was ready to be beaten by his father.

Unexpectedly, after his father apologized to his neighbor, he took him home.

When he got home, his father told him, "Dad knows that you didn't mean to do it today." Next time we can find an open place to play, what do you think?

Then, his father took him to find a suitable place to play football and played with him for an afternoon.

In life, it is common to see adults scolding children loudly, and both parties are becoming more and more emotional, and finally the adults are angry, and the children are not convinced.

There is a quote in "Positive Discipline":

“The ultimate education is to neither punish nor pamper children, but to teach children values, social skills, and life skills in a kind and firm atmosphere.”

As parents, we must control our emotions and don't let casual yelling hurt our children.

Whisper parenting creates a warm and relaxed family environment for children, so that they can grow up freely, comfortably, and confidently.

Only in this way will the educational effect be twice as effective with half the effort.

03

There's a word in psychology called "Expressions are violent”。

As the name suggests, a person who always puts on an ugly face is undoubtedly a violent aggression for the person to communicate with.

The "Merabine Law" also clearly points out that what expressions and attitudes you use in interpersonal communication have a great impact on the relationship.

Especially between family members, when encountering conflicts and disagreements, don't always talk to each other with a straight face and frowns.

Seeing the other party's face full of smiles, no matter how big the anger is, half of it will be eliminated in an instant, and no matter how big the problem is, it can be solved calmly.

Mr. Yang recalled that late one night when she was a child, her parents had a disagreement about her future education.

Her father preferred to give her a more traditional and rigorous academic training, while her mother wanted her to be more exposed to art and social practice.

Faced with a disagreement, the parents did not put on a face, but decided to sit down and have an in-depth conversation.

His father first expressed his expectations, believing that a solid foundation of knowledge and academic training would provide more possibilities for Yang Jiang's future.

The mother gently shared her expectations for her daughter's all-round development, and she hoped that Yang Jiang could have a more colorful life experience.

They listened to each other, respected each other's point of view, and finally found a balance.

It allows Yang Jiang to maintain his academic pursuit, while also having the opportunity to contact and try different fields.

Yang Jiang said: My parents are like old friends, since I was a child, I haven't heard them quarrel once or blush.

For Yang Jiang's education, her parents never put on a face, but communicated with her in a good voice.

Yang Jiang attended the best girls' school in Shanghai at the time, and because of the long distance, she often didn't want to go to school.

Father always patiently waited for her to finish the trouble, and then reasoned gently.

When Yang Jiang encountered difficulties in her studies, her father would not blame her fiercely, but patiently encouraged her and helped her find a solution to the problem.

A good expression brings a good mood, and a good mood makes a good family.

For most people, happiness doesn't require anything else, just seeing a happy face every day is enough.

Communicate with your family and smile more, put away the bitter gourd face, gloomy face, mean face, debt collection face and endless nagging.

In a happy family, everyone has a good-looking face.

This is good-looking, not red lips and white teeth, white skin and beautiful appearance, but a pleasant face and good voice.

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Lin Yutang said: Happiness is nothing more than four things, one is to sleep in one's own bed, the second is to eat the dishes made by parents, the third is to listen to the lover's love words, and the fourth is to play games with children.

A happy home is like a pot of old wine, which needs every member to use love as the material and brew it with heart.

Running a good family is the most important business in each of our lives.

Every member of the family often speaks comforting words and does considerate things, so that the relationship will become softer and the family will be more harmonious.