These days, I'm chatting with a friend.

I found that she was very concerned about her children, from choosing a school district room, to what interest classes her children attended, and even her performance in class。

But when I asked, how was the preparation for the Builder II exam, which she was eager to try, doing? How are you learning the guqin?

She was at a loss all at once, as if the child's business was the first thing.

Interestingly, my friend is not alone.

It seems that once a woman has a child, she will pour all her energy into the child and shine for the child everywhere.

But I don't think so.

In my opinion, the best way for a middle-aged woman to live is to let herself shine and illuminate her children by the way.

01

Before, I saw a news that a mother was preparing for the graduate school entrance examination while working with her baby.

結果很是喜人，她考出了四百多的高分，成功上岸。

But after a painful choice, she chose to give up.

The reason is simple - she can't let go of the child.

"Now is the time when the child needs me." "If I go to school, no one will help me watch him during the day."

For the sake of her children, she endured the pain of sacrificing herself and gave up a better future.

Devoting all their time, energy, and feelings to their children and living for them is the status quo of many middle-aged women.

However, will this kind of effort really pay off?

I'm sure many of you have heard quite a few stories like this:

The old mother resolutely resigned to accompany the child, but forced the child to become depressed.

The mother puts the child first in everything and wants to lift him to a higher level, but in the end the child is reduced to an ordinary person.

Parents who sacrifice themselves in exchange for their children's success often struggle to get what they want.

Bloggers@柯迪wrote about her mom in an article.

Originally, there was a spacious flat floor to live in, but my mother had to squeeze into the old and dilapidated school district room in order for her to go to a good school.

Moreover, my mother used to be a business executive and still had a lot of room for growth, but in order to take care of her life and studies, she jumped to a small company.

Not only that, but the mother is fully engaged in her child's learning.

In order not to lose at the starting line, she sent her to the English class, who couldn't speak well.

Let her have a skill, and she enrolled in piano classes, calligraphy classes, and dance classes, and since then her life has been shuttling in various training classes.

After going to elementary school and junior high school, I took a make-up class in mathematics, physics and chemistry on wheels.

Someone once asked, are you happy after learning so many things? Curdy replied without hesitation: unhappy! I was tortured for a whole 15 years.

As for her plans after entering the workplace, she was silent for a long time and said: "I don't think my current ability can stand in the workplace at all, and I don't have the confidence to enter the workplace at all." ”

It is the nature of parents to love their children, but blindly giving up oneself may not necessarily be exchanged for an excellent child.

育兒如育花，澆灌過度反而會適得其反。

When you put all the focus of your life on your children, your life will be out of order, and your children's lives will gradually become out of balance.

02

The magazine "People" once reported on a mother and daughter.

Mother Hu Yongping said: "To be a mother, you need to pay, but you can't sacrifice. ”

She has always adhered to one principle: first herself, then her mother.

She will not compromise her life because of her daughter.

Her upbringing of her daughter is also very casual:

will not take care of her daughter's diet and daily life.

My daughter is going to study in the UK after graduating from high school, and her daughter said that she doesn't need to send it, so she really goes cross-country with her friends.

Between mother and daughter, there is no sacrifice and dedication, and there is no control and restraint.

But under the influence of her mother, her daughter grew up to be very independent and assertive.

The girl said that it was her mother who taught her to dare to pursue what she wanted to do and not be bound by the world.

Educate oneself before educating oneself, and teach others to teach oneself first.

Being a good mother does not mean giving up on yourself completely, we can love ourselves while loving our children.

There are three kinds of relationships in the world: relationships with oneself, relationships with others, and relationships with the world.

Of these three relationships, the one that really determines the quality of our lives is our relationship with ourselves.

Only when a person handles the relationship with himself can we better handle the relationship with other people.

The same is true of our relationship with our children.

In the past few years, Papi sauce's career has been booming, not only on various variety shows, but also in "Flowers".

Now she is also the CEO of an MCN organization, and she has signed countless artists.

But more than these achievements, what I admire more is her concept of parenting.

Because every time she chooses the two identities of "mother" and "herself", she always puts herself first.

When her child was more than 1 years old, she also faced difficult parenting choices of caring for her children and returning to work.

當時她經營的公司已經估值過億、走上正軌，她還需要兼顧影視作品的拍攝，每天十分忙碌。

After much thought, she decided to send her 3-year-old and 0-month-old child to nursery.

In her opinion, a woman must first learn self-love, and then she can have enough energy to educate and nourish her children.

Those smartest middle-aged women will be themselves full-time and mothers part-time.

Only by understanding one's life first can we help children open up a better future, which is the result of experience transfer.

remembered what Zheng Yuanjie said:The meaning of mother is to influence.

To have a good influence on children, the first step is to become better and better.

03

Over the past few years, I have become more and more in agreement with Dong Qing's point of view:

The kind of person you want your child to become, it's very simple, you just want to be what kind of person.

We are the eternal life template of the child, and there is no educational force that can replace the influence of the mother's "example".

Huang Meifang in the documentary "The Second Time in Life" has always been a role model for me to learn.

6-year-old Huang Meifang is a female assembly line worker who has worked hard in Shenzhen for 0 years.

Later, she decided to get a diploma and save points to settle in Shenzhen.

After graduating from high school, she went out to work and picked up books again at a young age, which was really a huge challenge for Huang Meifang.

She studied online courses on her own while taking notes carefully.

Sometimes, she has to take the subway for two hours to attend in-person learning at a teaching site far away from her home.

那幾年，黃妹芳很少在午夜12點前休息，早上6點又要開始一天的忙碌。

In this way, she got a college diploma, obtained a bachelor's degree, and became a "line leader" from a front-line female worker.

Driven by Huang Meifang's example, her son is no longer greedy for fun and devotes himself to learning.

He will come to school before half past six every day for self-study, arrange the day's study tasks, and never use the hearts of adults.

Without a high degree or a good material life, Huang Meifang, an ordinary mother, uses her own actions to imperceptibly influence her children.

A wise middle-aged woman knows how to live as a beam of light to illuminate the direction of the child's progress.

A lot of people sometimes wonder about one thing.

Whenever you ask the parents of those excellent children, how do they educate their children?

They always say, "We don't care about anything, it's all up to the kids."

In addition to the talent of some children, in fact, some parents just do one thing:To educate children, it is better to grow yourself and become a role model for children.

They will not focus on the child, but will put all their energy on themselves and set a good example for the child.

When Zheng Yuanjie talked about education methods, she also said: Shut your mouth, raise your legs, walk your own life path, and demonstrate it to children.

When you follow your own path in life, your child will naturally grow up to be what you expect.

▽

Every time you get on a plane, you'll see a safety tip:

In the event of an emergency during the flight, parents should put on an oxygen mask for themselves before their children.

The reason for this is simple, it is only possible for parents to take care of their children if they take care of themselves.

In the same way, you can take care of your children if you take care of yourself; If you are excellent, your children will be excellent.

This is what I understand as true education: not sacrificing oneself to fulfill one's children, but strengthening oneself to lift children.