Today on Douyin, I accidentally swiped a hot list video.

Blogger @高欣 posted an interaction with his wife, the video is simple and warm, the two of them are close to each other, smiling like children.

Because I was infected by this sweetness, I clicked on the homepage of the blogger couple, and I was attracted by this look.

The pyrotechnic vlog, the generous and unpretentious daily life, accompanied by the sweet interaction between the two, is full of healing power, and the three meals are also very appetizing, which makes people appetizing.

The comment area is also full of envy, hoping that I can also have such a fairy love.

Recalling the hit drama "Time is Just Right", Xu Mengan and Li Lin in the play were out of the circle because of the countless sweet interactions between middle-aged couples, and famous scenes such as "pretending to quarrel but actually dating their daughter behind their backs" emerged in endlessly.

Although middle-aged people often face problems such as workplace pressure, children's education, and even being laid off, this couple has not encountered it rarely.

But a good relationship between husband and wife really relieved many of their anxieties and troubles.

Yes, regardless of age or region, the yearning for happiness is common to almost everyone.

Although the middle-aged couples in life are difficult to be as thick as Xu Mengan and Li Lin, they are even pregnant with a second child at the age of 40.

But we can also have our own, sweet little luck.

Maybe the expressions are different, but those good feelings, the undertones of happiness, are always similar.

In particular, each of the following 3 feelings is important and indispensable for marriage.

If you don't have it yet, then you have to hurry up and cultivate;

If you succeed in keeping your partner with your middle age, then congratulations on finding the right person, and cherish it!

Have a good sense of recognition in marriage, make good use of the thumb and use the index finger less

I have swiped a marriage column on the Internet, and there is a link that is to score my marriage, among which there is a couple who have been together for 35 years, and they unexpectedly scored full marks.

Many couples get along for a long time, the more they feel that each other has more problems and problems.

But they can always see the good side of each other and praise each other generously and directly.

In the video, Ms. Liu said that she felt that her husband had always been very powerful, worked hard, and would spend 90 yuan on his family when he earned 0 yuan;

And Mr. Li also said that it has not been easy for his wife over the years, and the children have been raised by her, and the family is very satisfied.

In fact, this model is similar to many families, where the man works more and the woman works more.

But they can be full of each other's goodness, not complain about the other party's unfulfilled responsibilities, and sincerely praise the other half, which is really rare.

But many people, even in middle age, still lack this ability to recognize their partners, and even mess up their marriages because of this.

If you don't approve emotionally, you will have no scruples about words.

If this habit is not changed, the marriage will inevitably be stormy.

An emotional expert once said: "In fact, everyone is born as an ordinary person with half of the strengths and weaknesses."

But a good couple is able to discover and understand tolerance, so that they can polish the original ordinary other half into their own treasures. ”

Indeed, no one is perfect, if you love each other, learn to praise more with your thumb and criticize with less index finger.

Being able to discover and retain all the advantages that the other party doesn't care about is the biggest skill in marriage.

以下是3點加強夫妻間認可感的小建議，特別分享給大家，幫大家從點滴開始慢慢提升。

1. Store the "shining point".

In marriage, both husband and wife will have many shining moments.

Store them in a diary or souvenir and look through them when there is a conflict to help you regain hope in your partner.

2. Make praise visual.

Many families will put their children's awards on the wall as a motivational measure, but adults can follow suit.

Try to print a few exclusive certificates every month, and write comments to give them to the other person, praising them for their achievements this month.

3. It is strictly forbidden to compare with outsiders.

The biggest taboo between husband and wife is to compare themselves with outsiders. Live behind closed doors, compare yourself with yourself, and your life will be better.

But once you always want to compare with outsiders, especially if you don't compare your strengths, it will not only reduce the recognition of each other, but also cause conflicts and affect the relationship between husband and wife.

There is empathy

A good marriage is not only heartwarming, but also distressing

In marriage, if you meet a partner who doesn't know how to empathize, it's really a kind of despair.

Of course, we also know that people are inevitably different.

Even if they are like husband and wife, they will be affected by gender, age, experience, family of origin, etc., and they will not be able to fully understand each other.

Many people, even if you break up the grievances and feed them to him, hoping to win understanding, it still won't help.

Netizen @Chengxin posted a video to share a small thing.

Chengxin said that because her work is relatively easy, she is usually responsible for picking up and dropping off children and housework.

One night, Chengxin had just finished sweeping the floor, and her husband came back from entertainment, lying on the sofa and eating fruit, throwing the peel to the ground while eating.

When Chengxin saw it, he took the trash can to the sofa, but her husband still threw the peel around, staining the floor that Chengxin had just swept.

She expressed her dissatisfaction aggrievedly, but her husband was unmoved, and asked her "what can it cost to sweep the floor".

Chengxin asked in the video if she was not tolerant enough, it was just a trivial matter, but it made everyone lose a good mood.

Someone in the comment section answered well:

"It's not a trivial matter, it's never the straw that breaks the camel's back.

If you suddenly collapse because of trivial matters, it means that there are still many grievances that are not empathetic before this, and they have accumulated together until today. ”

Yes, there are so many earth-shattering things in life, most of them are small contradictions like Chengxin, so small that they can be solved by throwing the peel into the trash can.

But even those small contradictions and small details that have been ignored have been accumulated for a long time, which will also make you emotionally collapsed, and will make you aware of the other party's incomprehension and disrespect.

If you want to help yourself or your partner improve empathy, try to start with these 2 small things.

Only when we understand each other can we go further.

1. Say a specific thank you to your lover every day.

Even if it is a trivial thing that you are accustomed to, you can realize that it is not easy for the other party by talking about the content, workload, and time spent.

30. Have a 0-minute deep chat with your lover every week.

You can talk about whether there are any unspoken differences between the other party in the past week, and understand whether the two sides will have different thinking logic on the same thing;

You can also talk about recent happiness and troubles, and understand what things the other person is more likely to change emotionally because of, so that you can pay better attention to it in the future.

There is a sense of responsibility

A good marriage is not only romantic, but also responsible

At the end of last year, I accidentally swiped a piece of news, which made people angry.

The newlywed wife accidentally suffered from cancer, and Feng, as her husband, lost contact and ran away, abandoning her lover.

In the end, the court also made a judgment and punished this ruthless and unrighteous man.

This incident really makes people's backs chill, after all, husband and wife are among the most closely connected people in the world, both in terms of reason and law.

When life needs care and care the most, the person next to the pillow doesn't care about it, and only wants to escape and divorce, how can it make the listener not feel cold.

Writer Su Ling said: "People, you don't need so many people, you can carry things is talented." ”

Zhou Bingkun in "The World" is a good example.

As the most unpromising third child of the Zhou family, compared with the brothers and sisters who were admitted to Peking University, they are a little worse in terms of ability, education and experience.

But he is such a man who seems to be a wreck, but he has really cared for and loved his wife for a lifetime.

In that conservative era, he dared to marry Zheng Juan, who was pregnant before marriage, to shield her from rumors and incomprehension from her parents.

When Luo Shibin, the biological father of the adopted son, wanted to snatch back his son and disturb the peace of the Zhou family again and again, Zhou Bingkun protected Zheng Juan behind him again and again.

In ordinary life, he works hard, never complains, and strives for the happiness of his family.

Zhou Bingkun used his unpromising shoulders to support his small family.

A person with a sense of responsibility, to put it bluntly, is reliable and able to carry things.

With such a person, you feel a sense of security, you don't have to worry about it, and you don't have to be afraid.

When you are young, you are more concerned about the experience of love, so a person's appearance, demeanor, romantic factors, etc. are more important.

When you reach a certain age, you can understand that marriage is not about two people blowing the wind and admiring the moon, but about passing one level after another, and one thing is not settled and one thing is born.

有人和你並肩同行，與你共擔生活的難，比一千束花，一萬句情話更浪漫。

But responsibility is not innate, it needs to be cultivated.

You can't just wait, but guide and motivate.

If you want to develop a sense of responsibility in your partner, you can try to start with the following details.

1. Define the scope of responsibility.

The home itself is mostly confused, and everyone's perception of the scope of their responsibilities is different, and it needs to be implemented.

For example, when planning housework, you can divide each person's contracting area or contracting day; For example, picking up and dropping off children, you can stipulate who picks up and who delivers, etc.

People inevitably have inertia, let the responsibility be clear first, and the sense of responsibility will gradually improve.

2. In the case of companionship, let the other half challenge the housework that he is not good at.

For example, let people who are usually impatient calm down and help their children with homework; Let people who don't usually drive try to insure their cars and drive them for maintenance.

Of course, the other party may make a mess because they are not familiar with it, and that's okay, as long as they are willing to try it for this home.

If your family needs it, you can learn to do things that you are not good at.

This is the embodiment of a sense of responsibility.

3. Give each other more patience and time.

Responsibility is a manifestation of love, and when the other half feels loved and respected, they are more likely to take responsibility.

When he makes mistakes, don't rush to blame, guide him to learn from his mistakes.

After all, the purpose of cultivating a sense of responsibility is to make life better and to make couples more loving, not to create excuses to blame and quarrel.

Wu Fei, a professor at Peking University, said:

To live a life is to manage the family and settle your life in the process of managing the family.

Only when the family as a whole is living well, can people talk about settling their own lives, that is, living a good life.

After half a life, the more I understand this sentence, the more I understand the importance of my partner.

A good lover is a lifelong blessing, which can nourish the body and mind inwardly and shelter from the wind and rain externally.

When you reach middle age, maintain your partner well and manage your marriage well, your heart will be happier and your life will be better and better.