The People's Daily once published an article:

"Educating your children well is not only a teacher's business, but also the most important career in your life."

Because a good teacher may be able to support children for three or five years; But a good parent can directly affect a child's life.

The greatest success of an ordinary family is never how much money they make or how much they have achieved, but how much they can raise a sensible and motivated child.

But if at some point, you find that your child does not respect you enough and always contradicts you.

You don't have to turn your face upside down, you don't have to get angry, you just need to remember the "law of the eagle", and all problems can be solved.

1

It's not what's wrong with the kids

It's about you

There is such a story:

In the forest, wherever the crow goes, it dislikes other birds.

For this reason, he moved many times, but there was still no place to stay for long.

One day, when the crow was packing his bags again and preparing to set out on his journey, the pigeon kindly asked him, "Where are you going to move this time?" ”

The crow said, "I don't know, the animals here find my cries unpleasant, and I have to find another place where I can be accommodated." ”

The pigeon was silent for a long time and said, "Have you ever thought about it? If you don't look for your own problems, no matter where you fly, you still won't be welcomed. ”

This is known as the Raven's Law.

Why did the ancients often say that if the son does not teach, the father is guilty? If the teaching is not strict, the teacher is lazy.

Because many times, the biggest obstacle to educating children is nothing else, but ourselves.

Many are like crows, their eyes fixed on other places, accusing with anger and exhorting with reason.

The child failed in the exam, not to reflect on the lack of companionship, but to blame him for not working hard enough.

When a child makes a mistake, he is not patiently educated, but strongly criticized.

As everyone knows, behind a problem child must be a controlling parent;

A rebellious child must have an adult with high expectations behind him.

There is no greater tragedy in a family than this:Adults are sick, children take medicine.

Humiliation can't be exchanged for a person's excellence; Picking thorns can't get a person's courage.

So, don't rush to point out the problem in your child.

Treat your past mistakes as a textbook for your children, not a copy; Let your problems become a mirror for your children, not a stumbling block.

As the saying goes: "It is a failure to remove the mask from others, but it is a victory to remove it yourself." ”

Those who know how to introspect can reap the fruits of all intimate relationships.

2

Children don't change

Unless you feel loved

There is a saying: "Love first, then education." ”

Every child's growth, to a greater or lesser extent, is accompanied by "flaws".

The more impatient and reckless you are, the harder it will be to achieve the desired results.

Human beings are animals that desire happiness, and a person who is truly seen and understood will develop in the direction you want.

In ancient times, there was a great man of letters, he was old and had children, and he wanted his son to inherit his mantle.

He tried his best to teach his children to read the Four Books and the Five Classics, but his son did not like to read, but fell in love with carving.

The great writer was disappointed, looking at the child's resistance, he lost his temper again and again, feeling that his son had lost his face, but it didn't help, it just made the relationship between the two more and more cold.

After a few years, he could only helplessly express his understanding and did not force it anymore, which made the relationship gradually ease.

Seeing that his son's face was full of smiles every day, he began to accept his son's interests and hobbies and support them.

Sometimes, he even participates in it, letting his son teach him the basics of cutting, cutting, chiseling, and carving, and the two gradually become father and friend.

Miraculously, after a few years, the son slowly discovered the charm of literature, and in addition to carving, he would also ask his father for advice on the problems he encountered in reading.

As Yu Minhong said:

As long as the child does not make mistakes of principle and does not make mistakes that break through the bottom line, the child should be given enough freedom, so that the child will stay with his parents in a safe and relaxed state.

In many cases, it is not because the child has a problem, but because the parents cannot see his wishes.

The total collision is not that the child is ignorant, but that the adult has always been in a high posture.

As a parent, you must know how to put the brake on negative emotions in time.

Allow their occasional derailment, understand with empathy, and influence with love.

After all, the best appearance of a home is always emotion first, restraint last.

The book also says: "The so-called security is nothing more than having a place that you always want to go back to." ”

Make your home such a place.

Don't be stingy in the matter of giving love, the children who are poured out with love will raise gratitude; With a family full of love, life will have bright colors.

3

Good parents

You need to work yourself

Someone asked, "What should I do if my child doesn't like to read?" ”

The master did not answer, but asked rhetorically: "If there is a problem with the printed engraving, do you change the engraving or the original?" ”

It dawned on the man.

Archaic Clouds:“教者，效也。 上行之，下效之。 ”

Many of the habits in children are actually in the family, and the roots are actually in the parents.

司馬光是宋朝大臣，雖位高權重，但溫良謙恭、剛正不阿。

生活上，即便俸祿不少，還有朝廷額外賞賜，可司馬光依舊崇尚節儉，平生衣能蔽寒即可，食能充腹就行。

Sometimes, when guests come to visit, they will never make an exception, and only use some pears, dates, persimmons and other mountain fruits and dried meat to entertain.

在家中，司馬光也十分孝順父母，友愛兄弟，和睦鄰里，救濟貧苦。

Under the influence of Sima Guang, his children were all humble and polite, did not rely on their father's power, and did not rely on their family's wealth, which was praised by the people at that time.

Smart parents are role models, ordinary parents are strict teachers, and third-rate parents are nannies.

Therefore, when educating children, we should first educate ourselves, and teach others to teach ourselves first.

Instead of staring at your child's every move, turn your focus to "self".

The smartest parents in the world are to shine their own light and illuminate their children by the way.

Manage your emotions and cultivate your child's character; Ask yourself to be self-disciplined and drive your children to be motivated.

In this life, you should never say "work hard" to others, but say "you have to work hard" to yourself.

Education is a long road, and role models are the only shortcut.

Even if the culture is not high, even if the ability is not enough, but to be a down-to-earth, diligent, and motivated person, to lead the way by example, this is the best way to educate children.

Archaic Clouds:"Mo Dao's cause and effect are not seen, and the children and grandchildren are far away."

No one is born knowing how to be a parent, and no one is born knowing how to get along with children.

But in the process of education, you can adjust your role step by step and self-cultivation step by step.

A good family must be a return of love.

Supporting yourself with full energy can gradually fill the home with warmth and hope, and let your children gradually become a better version of themselves.