If the family is compared to a mobile phone, then emotions are the working system of this mobile phone, and the parent-child relationship, husband and wife relationship, and learning ability ...... It's all an app in this phone.
If the operating system is not good, the APP is often prone to crashing, stuck, and malfunctioning......
If your emotional management is a mess, your family relationships aren't much better.
We all know that emotional management is important, but it is often not done well.
Tutoring children with homework is a common parent-child relationship scenario, and most families are in constant conflict.
For example, children need to drink water when they do their homework, sharpen pencils at one time, and go to the toilet at another......
2 hours to write for 0 minutes of assignment.
Parents who are busy with work and pressed for time feel angry when they see such a scene.
Slow steps, slow steps, late homework leads to late sleep, and late sleep leads to late waking up......
The parents broke down emotionally and yelled at the child, they were sad and sad, and the child was even more crying.
It can be said that as soon as you write your homework, you will jump and jump up, and you will not write your homework.
The more fierce the child, the more chaotic the scene seems to be, and the more you beat the child, the more difficult it seems to be to discipline.
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In fact, there is a gentler and more effective method worth trying than preaching and scolding.
First of all, parents should use the ABCDE model to manage their emotions through deliberate practice.
A: Precipitating event: The child writes a simple homework overnight, disrupting the schedule
B: Belief: Repeatedly emphasize good habits with children, don't procrastinate, and the result is procrastination again and again.
C: Emotional and behavioral outcomes: angry, angry, wanting to beat up the child.
D: Rebuttal: Children also want to do things well, but they can't control themselves well, maybe they have no concept of time, or they can't concentrate enough.
E: New emotional and behavioral outcomes: Don't be led astray by anger, accept the facts, and try other ways to help your child get rid of procrastination.
When we stabilize our emotions, we can better solve our children's problems.
And everyone has their own emotional landmines.
Some people will blow up when they see their children dragging and grinding a little;
Some people can't bear a little when they see their children eating all over the floor;
……
Parents can better control their emotions by clearing their own emotional landmines.
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When parents return to their rational brains, we can use the ROLEX model to help children manage their emotions.
Help your child get out of emotional confusion.
R: Identify and interpret the reason why a child is breaking down because his homework is too difficult, because he is afraid of his parents, or because he feels that he is particularly bad......
O: Here's the opportunity, the opportunity to help children with emotional self-regulation.
L: Listening and Acceptance: Communication is a very critical part of any relationship.
We can first use the "looking in the mirror" method to empathize with the child and create an emotional connection.
For example, today's homework questions seem to be quite difficult, and there are traps in several questions.
Guide children to express their feelings through empathy.
Adhesion 3F listening method, discover the reasons behind it, listen to feelings, listen to facts, listen to intentions.
Often, behind the emotional breakdown is mostly because the inner needs are not being met
Consciously establish a normalized parent-child communication mechanism, such as a family meeting, once a week or once a week, and share with each other what was happy or sad about the week, and what needs help.
In this way, children can also review their emotions and have opportunities for communication between parents and children.
E: Expressing emotions and confiding is a good way to vent emotions.
When we empathize with our child enough, she will be willing to share her heart, her difficulties and emotions.
Tell your child that emotions can be expressed, whether good or bad, and that you don't have to smile to hide your sadness.
When appropriate, parents should learn to be "boastful parents".
X: After understanding the reasons behind the child's emotions, we can discuss the solution with the child, but not solve the problem for the child.
Ask your child what he or she thinks about slow homework, and work together to identify ways to improve it.
What we should convey to our children is that learning is our own business, but when something happens, parents can accompany you to solve the problem.
Parents care not only about your grades, but also about how you feel and grow.
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Finally, when you feel like you're going to collapse when tutoring homework, remember to recite the 4-word mantra silently.
Stop, hold, ask, change.
Stop, when you feel like you're going crazy, press the pause button, such as leaving the homework site, actively pause, and regulate your emotions.
Hug, empathize with the child, especially when the child is broken, a hug is more effective than ten words.
Ask, understand your child's needs.
Correct, correct the child's behavior.
When both parties are emotionally stable, tell the child what is right and wrong, and make a plan and actionable measures.
If a parent's emotions are always out of control, it is difficult to love their children well.
If a parent can't express emotions well, then how can children learn to face all kinds of emotions?
Many times we yell at our children as a sign of helplessness.
Family education is not only for children, but more often for the common growth of the family.
It is the self-growth of parents to build a better family growth environment for their children.
Whether it's dealing with the pressure of studying, the stress of life, or the quarrels between families......
In fact, there are problems in emotional management, and in parent-child education, emotions are particularly crucial.
You will find that communicating with your child when you are angry is completely different from communicating with your child when you are in a good mood.