When encountering children who are withdrawn from learning, parents naturally enable the urging and preaching mode, directly labeling and defining:

The child is running away.

Then he took the trouble to persuade the child to face it positively, to solve the problem, escape is not the way, sooner or later you have to face it.

Parents don't seem to be wrong, but children really don't appreciate it. Either listen perfunctorily, or simply close the door, completely isolate the parents, and collapse when they talk about learning, and even more so when they give advice.

The child, like an ostrich, shrinks up and pretends not to hear or see. This is indeed an escape in the eyes of parents.

The parents were also very accurate in their analysis of the problem, and the conclusions they gave were quite correct.

But the problem is that the child doesn't appreciate it at all and can't listen to it. Either fight your parents more thoroughly, or retract into your own space, not wanting to be disturbed.

Some children are reluctant to meet their parents when they see their parents outside, and no matter how much their parents persuade them, they are reluctant to go out.

Parents will only be angry at their children, how can they behave like enemies in their relationship with themselves? Will you harm your children?

But the parents did not think about why the child would rather be alone than see his parents, and refused any help or approach.

If parents want to suppress their children in a tough way at this time, and try to use tougher means to make the children who can't do it, it will only make the children escape more completely and fight more fiercely.

當孩子叛逆和對抗父母時，父母不妨用反向策略，後退一步：

There are some things that you can't say if you see through them. Instead of always relying on the authority and empiricism of parents to instill in children what they realize, perceive and discover the problems and even the essence of their own brains.

The love of parents for their children is real, and the starting point of parents who want to clear all obstacles for their children is also good.

But there are also two things for parents to consider:

The first question is whether the child's current emotional and psychological energy can catch the reasonable advice of the parents;

The second question is, can children listen to the successful experience and correct principles of parents? And can it promote children to change and break through the shackles of emotions?

If the parents' communication and goodness to the child make the child have no intention of absorbing it, then no matter how correct the parents say, it will only be counterproductive.

In the imagination of parents, children should suddenly realize their own advice, and then cheer up their spirits, catch up, and become a new person.

But those children who are tired of school and have a lot of internal friction will not be able to achieve the results their parents want.

The occurrence of every emotion is a process of accumulation and subtlety, and when the child's emotional internal friction and psychological stuck points have been a lot, it is not the parents' words that can awaken the child.

In the child's low value, self-denial and internal friction, high-frequency entanglement and cranky thoughts have tightly bound the child's footsteps, and he can't move a single step.

At this point, the child activates a self-protection mechanism, using resistance and resistance to protect what little fragile self-esteem he has left.

So whether it is to refute, close the door, or resist, it is all out of protection of one's powerlessness.

Escaping certainly doesn't solve the problem, but it can put the child in a moment.

It's like the child is already very weak, and the parents are still urging him to run. You can't rest, you have to persevere, you can't coax. Mental stuck points can also make the heart very weak and tired.

But when the child is very sad, the parents' reasoning and the so-called good, the child will not appreciate it, and will only feel that the parents are forcing themselves, and they don't understand their suffering and feelings at this time.

At this time, instead of being tough or trying to change their children in every possible way, parents should take a step back and allow their children to immerse themselves in their negative emotions first.

I also did this in the process of raising my own children, in the first semester of my baby's sophomore year of high school, I didn't study well for a semester, I didn't write homework, I didn't listen to class, all kinds of perfunctory and said that I couldn't do it, and continued to escape.

The reason was also explained, and the kind reminder was given, but the child still didn't listen at all. So I chose to take a step back, let him try and make mistakes, and let him do what he wanted.

When the child is hit and flutters on himself, he stops his losses and turns back and re-engages in learning.

這也是反向策略所起到的積極作用，比我糾正和講道理一萬遍都有用。

For adolescent children, they are instinctively rebellious, the more parents do not allow it, the more the child will insist on going his own way, when you really allow him to play freely, when he hits a wall, it is the day when the child turns back.

Proofread by Zhuang Wu