During the counseling process, I often heard voices like this: "Teacher, I think I have chosen the wrong partner, why is my married life so difficult?" Or, "We're always arguing, and I don't know how to continue." ”

For all this confusion and confusion, I just want to tell you that there is no perfect partner in the world, and there is no perfect marriage. In fact, all marriages are a process spent with oneself.

Marriage is a life journey for two people walking hand in hand. However, in this journey, we often expect the other person to be the perfect partner for that ideal, to meet all our needs, to understand all our thoughts, and to spend every moment of happiness and sorrow with us.

But the reality is often not the way it seems. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and has their own upbringing background and experience. These differences mean that we can't find a partner who exactly matches our expectations.

Therefore, we need to realize that the essence of marriage is to get along with ourselves. This does not mean that we should ignore the existence of our partner and become self-centered or even willful in our marriage.

Rather, as a mature married person, we must learn to maintain relative independence and autonomy in marriage, whether materially, psychologically, or intellectually.

Therefore, from the moment we get married, we should start to change our mindset and become more independent, brave and steady.

Not only do you have to deal with your emotions, but you also have to learn to solve problems and stay resilient in the face of difficulties. Only in this way can we find true happiness and fulfillment in our marriage.

In other words, in marriage, we must first strive to be the independent "0", so that your marriage and partner may be the "0s" in the back, otherwise, no amount of "0" will mean anything to you.

Of course, this is not to say that we have to completely abandon the expectations and requirements of our partner. In marriage, we still need to understand each other, support each other, and grow together. However, we cannot pin all our hopes and happiness on each other. We need to understand that our own happiness and joy ultimately depend on ourselves to create and achieve.

For those of you who are already feeling disappointment in your marriage, I would say don't give up easily. The problems and difficulties we encounter in marriage are actually opportunities for us to grow. We can learn how to handle relationships better, gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and others, and how to deal with life's challenges more effectively.

If you are in a seemingly failed marriage but cannot get a divorce for various reasons, then I hope you will try the following four tips to help you redeem yourself and live a satisfying life even if you don't get a divorce.

First of all, don't think of marriage as more important than life. Marriage is a part of life, not the whole story. We can devote more energy to our careers, hobbies, and personal growth.

As we shift our focus from marriage to other aspects, we find that there are many good things in life waiting to be explored and experienced. At the same time, we need to keep learning and improving ourselves to become better and more attractive.

Secondly, if you and your partner no longer have affection, but the other person still has some contributions to the family, then we can treat the other person as a partner in life together from the perspective of interests.

Instead of dwelling on emotional issues, we can focus on practical issues such as how to raise children together and manage family finances. In this way, we can reduce quarrels and conflicts and make family life more harmonious and stable.

Third, we need to lower our expectations of our partners. No one is perfect, including our partner. We should not pin our happiness and joy entirely on each other.

Instead, we should learn to build our hopes and confidence and achieve our dreams and goals through our own efforts. At the same time, we must also learn to think independently and solve problems, and not rely too much on each other.

Finally, we need to understand that it is difficult to change the way others think, especially adults. We should not try to change each other, but learn to accept and tolerate each other's shortcomings and shortcomings.

If we keep our eyes on each other's shortcomings, then we will only make ourselves more miserable and disappointed. Instead, we should focus on our own growth and progress to make ourselves better and more attractive.

In marriage, we need to learn to love ourselves and pay attention to our inner needs. We need to understand that our own happiness and joy ultimately depend on ourselves. When we learn to be independent and autonomous in our marriage, we will find that we can live so comfortably and happily.

As a marriage and family counselor, I know that every marriage has its own unique story and challenges. But no matter what difficulties we encounter, we must believe that as long as we are willing to work hard to face and solve them, we can find our own path to happiness.

Let's remember that there is no perfect partner and no perfect marriage. All marriages are actually a process spent with oneself. In this process, we need to learn to grow, learn to be independent, and learn to love ourselves. Only in this way can we go wider and happier on the road of marriage.