Reading guide: In a marriage relationship, women can't evolve some bad behaviors into "habits" day after day because of love or children, otherwise the rest of your life will be long, and your life will become more and more miserable.
Bi Shumin said: "We must learn to be close to our lover and not confused. ”
The two work hand in hand, from sweet love to real marriage.
When the passion of love fades and life is filled with busyness and triviality, if there are no two people to support the marriage, then after the loss of time and the baptism of the years, the marriage will no longer be a haven for two people, but become a one-man show.
In many cases, what defeats the relationship between husband and wife is not the discord between the three views of two people, nor the difference in personality between two people, but often the trivial things in life habits.
When you reach middle age, if you still have these three habits that you can't get rid of, then in marriage, you will have endless suffering.
In marriage, there is a word called "in the same boat", which means that in marriage, two people need to work together, not one person alone.
I know this very well in me.
When I first gave birth to my eldest child, I was very nervous as a new mother, feeling that my husband was clumsy and couldn't do anything, and I was always afraid that he would hurt the child. Therefore, I do all the child-related things such as eating, drinking, bathing, changing diapers, feeding, and burping.
After a while, the sequelae came, and due to sitting for a long time, I had back pain, back pain, and irritability. As soon as my husband holds the child, I am worried; If my husband doesn't hold the child, I'm annoyed.
During that time, my relationship with my husband fell to a freezing point.
Later, my mother came to see me, and after learning about my current situation, she advised me, "That is also someone else's own son, can someone else still harm his son, you can rest assured!" ”
My mom stayed with me for a few days and helped me babysit the kids for a while, and slowly I learned to let go.
Don't think of it as love and giving. Doing so will not only not increase the relationship between the husband and wife, but will also allow the other party to develop a dependency mentality.
Giving endlessly, not only can not be exchanged for half of the recognition and gratitude, but is regarded as ubiquitous control by the other half, resulting in all the efforts being disappointed.
So, big female friends, don't be stupid. In marriage, you must maintain a sense of boundary and do not overgive. Don't let yourself work day and night, and don't make yourself tired.
It doesn't matter if you let go of some, why not give up some? The rest of your life is not long, let yourself live a little easier and more comfortable.
Shu Ting's "To the Oak Tree" wrote:
"I don't want to be a climbing flower, to show off with your high branches."
"Never learn from the infatuated birds, repeat monotonous songs for the shade; It's not just like a spring, it brings cool comfort all year round; It's not just like a dangerous peak, increasing your height and setting off your majesty. ”
"I must be a kapok near you, standing with you as the image of a tree."
……
In this poem,authorIt expresses the psychology of "non-attachment". However, to this day, there are still many people who can't learn this, but regard marriage as their refuge and starting a family as a life-saving straw.
"No Questions" writes about a "resentful" couple, Liu Shufen and Xu Bochang.
The reason why they have become the status quo of "no communication" is not that there is no love between them at the beginning, but that after a long time, love slowly turns bad in it.
Liu Shufang and Xu Bochang were also a pair of loving lovers, and the scenes of them playing the accordion and dancing together are still vivid. As if with a flick of her fingers, Liu Shufang was drained of her spirit and jumped into the well in this kind of life.
In the final analysis, this relationship is that Liu Shufang relies too much on Xu Bochang. This dependence is not material, but spiritual.
She longed for Xu Bochang's love and his care, but apart from indifference and clarity, Liu Shufang got nothing.
I have read such a sentence: "A truly happy marriage is not attached spiritually and materially." ”
A marriage that is rich in heart and not obsessed with taking and giving back can feel the happiness of the long term. If you are too attached to a person, it is easy to put all your energy on the other person, his temporal and milial smile will affect your sensitive nerves, and his every move will be infinitely amplified.
If you don't have the ability to live independently, life will give you more malice and make you suffer more suffering and bitterness.
There is a good saying in "Skin": "When I often can't stand up, I also want to find a backer to lean on, but no matter how I look for it, I will find that some mountains are full of thorns, and some mountains are full of wild beasts, so you should be your own mountain." ”
Every female friend must have the courage to face reality and the ability to stand on society, not to put hope on others, and to maintain an independent and strong heart in order to achieve long-term happiness.
"Everywhere you go", that is to say, people who love you think you are good in everything, and people who don't love you, even if you change a lot, still feel that it is not enough.
I've seen such a video:
A girl is dressed in a gorgeous red dress and a flaming rose, and the whole person is bright and flamboyant. Later, a man came, disgusted that the roses were too ostentatious, and cut off most of the roses. The girl doesn't look like she's having the same vitality as before.
However, the boy was still insufficient, and then because he liked tulips, he cut all the red roses on the girl's body and replaced them with white tulips.
At this time, the girl was wearing a white dress, which was completely different from the person at the beginning.
However, what makes people angry is that this person later said, why is it still less flavorful?
What is missing? This is a question worth thinking about for each of us.
Fortunately, at the end of the video, the girl awakened her consciousness, plucked the tulips on her body, and made red roses again.
After all, this boy still doesn't love enough.
Because when he met this girl, she was red, enthusiastic and flamboyant. Then why did you choose her and let her change? Why not choose tulips in the first place?
In the world of feelings, not only can please not be exchanged for love and understanding, but also make the other half feel that you have no bottom line and no principles. And these will also become the reasons for him to hurt you again and again.
Yurao in "The Legend of Zhen Huan" has a classic line, which I still remember vividly, "Zhen Yurao is Zhen Yurao, she can only be unique, and she can't be a stand-in." ”
In marriage, you must love others first, and you must love yourself first.
Female friends, you should always believe in the truth of "if you bloom, butterflies will come", instead of trying to please others, it is better to be happy to please yourself.
Put away the weakness in your heart and live your true self, so that you can meet true happiness unexpectedly.
Conclusion.
Romain Rolland said: "In marriage, everyone has to give, and at the same time have to get something back, this is the law of supply and demand. ”
In marriage, we are not stingy to give, but we also don't consume ourselves, learn to keep a little love for ourselves, and don't let our sincere efforts become humble and pleased. Otherwise, in the end, you will be the one who is hurt, you will be the one who is depressed, and you will be the one who consumes yourself.
We must always leave one room for ourselves and three hearts to love ourselves.
If you don't know how to keep love for yourself, how can others cherish you? Love yourself well and let yourself have the ability to face the wind and waves alone, but also have the luck of meeting your lover.
End。
The topic of this article discusses: In the marriage relationship, what are the "habits" that a person is most afraid of? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.