All comfortable relationships must be more listening than arguing.

Writer Wang Meng said: "Don't always try to get the upper hand in language. ”

Because in this world, no one likes to be refuted and criticized.

Defeating others verbally will not bring you real victory, but will destroy your relationships with others.

In the end, if you make others lose face, others will naturally not be polite to you.

01

Yi Zhongtian was once invited by a variety show to give a speech.

During the speech, he habitually put his hands in the pockets of his tunics.

At this time, Ma Hao, the youth representative, couldn't stand it anymore, he stood up, and Yi Zhongtian disrespected the scene in public.

also accused him of keeping his hands in his pockets, because his heart was closed and he had no sense of security.

Yi Zhongtian was not angry at this time, but humorously explained:

"If you don't put your hands in your pockets, you won't look good with your hands on your head."

After that, he also made a gesture of pinning his hand to the back of his head, which made the audience laugh and resolved the embarrassing atmosphere at once.

可馬昊卻不想善罷甘休。

He continued to attack, accusing Yi Zhongtian of being a teacher but recording programs everywhere, not doing his job, and even mocking the other party's original family.

This kind of insulting remarks made everyone present change their faces.

Yi Zhongtian was also gloomy, but he still kept his demeanor and replied: "I recorded the show in my spare time, and I didn't miss a class at school." ”

Ma Hao immediately said again: "What about now, is it also spare time?" ”

This time, Yi Zhongtian replied unceremoniously: "Retired, honorably retired, can't you?" ”

One sentence made Ma Hao speechless, and the audience also applauded.

In real life, it is not uncommon for people like Ma Hao to pick thorns everywhere.

They are always condescending and like to point fingers at other people's words and deeds;

They are open-mouthed, they take pleasure in refuting others, and they don't care about the face of others.

Such a person, even if he overwhelms others in words, will never be able to win the favor of others through this empty victory.

02

There is an anecdote in the poetry of "Suiyuan Poems". There was a poet named Mao Qiling in the Qing Dynasty, who liked to lift the bar very much, and the world gave him a well-known name: the first bar essence of the Qing Dynasty. Once, when he went out to play, he heard someone chanting Su Dongpo's famous sentence: "Three or two peach blossoms outside the bamboo, the prophet of the plumbing duck in the spring river." He immediately couldn't help it, and said angrily: "The goose is also a prophet, why do you only talk about ducks and not geese?" In one sentence, the other party's interest in playing poetry was defeated. In psychology, the behavior of people like Mao Qiling who love to lift the bar is collectively called"Pathologic Argument"。

This kind of person, no matter what others say, always habitually sings the opposite, trying to highlight their sense of existence and worth.

As everyone knows, this kind of self-righteous rebuttal will not only not be recognized and respected by others, but will also make yourself socially excluded.

Li Xueqin once suggested to students in a program: "If there is no popular major, choose what you love." ”

Guest Xu Tianqi disagreed: "You still have to choose the popular one." ”

Li Xueqin reiterated: "I mean that when there is no popular major to choose from, try to choose what you love." ”

As a result, Xu Tianqi still raised the bar: "That's not to choose love, but to choose what you like." ”

In fact, everyone understands that Li Xueqin's "love" and the "like" he said essentially means the same thing.

As a result, he still didn't know how to argue, which made everyone speechless.

There was a comment in the barrage: "I used to have a friend who was like this, but now he is no longer a friend." ”

The common mistake of people who love to raise the bar is that they think they have opinions and eloquence, so they always want to compete in the relationship.

But this kind of expression of putting one's own point of view above the other party will only make the other person feel unhappy.

to the back,The more you talk, the worse your relationships become; The more unforgiving you are, the more distant you will be from others.

You think you've won an argument, but in fact, you've already lost a lot of popularity.

03

Writer Li Xiaomo has a saying that is very right:

"Always outperforming others in words is the lowest emotional intelligence I've ever seen."

The desire to speak is a low-level communication habit, and it is the killer of all relationships.

Many times, you feel that it has no effect to raise a few words with others, but people silently give you a bad review in your heart;

You think that blaming others for a few words will not have much consequence, but unintentionally, you are already paving the way for your own trouble.

Really smart people restrain their desire to refute all the time, turning rebuttal into reflection, and replacing argument with silence.

The famous linguist Huang Kan lived in Baimiao Hutong when he was teaching at Peking University.

Because of the noisy people during the day, he used to read at night when it was quiet.

One night, he was studying under the lamp with a friend when he suddenly heard a noise coming from next door.

The sound of smashing walls, noise, and moving tables and chairs made Huang Kan unable to read quietly.

As a last resort, Huang Kan had to negotiate with the next door.

Due to his impetuousness, Huang Kan's voice also rushed a little, and after the other party heard it, he also shouted loudly:

"If you have an opinion, please say calmly, your attitude will only annoy us."

Huang Kan thought about it, didn't say anything more, and turned to leave.

Seeing this, a friend asked him, "Are you scared?" Why not refute it? ”

Huang Kan waved his hand and said, "It can be seen that the other party is not an unreasonable person, so I don't have to be quick to speak." Next time, they will naturally pay attention and will not bother us again. ”

Sure enough, when he returned to his room, there was no noise coming from the next door.

In the complexity of life, differences in people's opinions inevitably exist.

When confronted with disagreements, some people are always aggressive and like to prevail in language.

But they don't know that refuting a person will not make him good, but will only make the situation worse.

Many relationships break down and tragedies occur because one party is unforgiving.

In the adult world, there is no need for so many-for-tat arguments, and there is no need to win or lose everything.

Keeping just the right amount of silence can show your bearing and cultivation better than talking endlessly, and it can also make you more popular in the crowd.

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Someone once asked the contemporary orator Julia Dahl for her skills in persuasion, and she replied:

"The only thing we can agree with others is that we can't agree on anything."

No one likes to associate with someone who is always right, and no one wants to be with someone who wants to refute it.

All comfortable relationships must be more listening than arguments, silence more than chatter.

As Luo Xiang said, "The sign of a person's maturity is that two seemingly opposing views can exist in his mind at the same time." ”

When one day, when you hear different points of view, you no longer want to argue who is higher and who is low, but to listen quietly, then congratulations, you have won both the current superiority and the long-term relationship.