Xu Xiaoqing is a national second-level psychological counselor, a bachelor's degree in applied psychology from South China Normal University, an intermediate social worker, a senior family education instructor, the vice president of Wenzhou Community Psychological Assistance Volunteer Association, and one of the top ten psychological counselors in Wenzhou

Parents complained that their son, who is in his first year of high school this year, is not soft on buying brand-name sneakers, and each pair is worth thousands, and he has bought dozens of pairs one after another. If you like the shoes, you have to do it, and if you don't buy them, you will make trouble, and sometimes you have no choice but to buy them. After the communication, it seems that the child also listened to "it is not easy for parents to make money", but there is always a next time, and I really don't know what to do.

Psychological counselor Xu Xiaoqing replied: This problem is ostensibly because children spend money without moderation, gratitude, and disobedience...... This is actually a question of family education.

Children's lack of effective companionship and self-control is manifested in the grasping of shoes, figurines and other foreign objects, and spending money without moderation, which can be said to be a kind of demand and filling of love. At the same time, there may be problems in the way of parent-child communication, parents want their children to listen to themselves, and children want to make their own decisions, which is a common contradiction in children's growth. How to solve it, let's talk about it one by one.

1. Effective accompaniment. What parents need to do for teenagers is to talk less, give less advice, criticize less, and try not to preach; Listen more, feel more, and discuss more ...... to reduce the loneliness and fear of adolescents. Hot topics in society, hot events, children's mainstream views, their hobbies, etc., can all become talking points for companionship; You can also travel together and other ways to accompany you. In addition, it allows children to decide their own things, realize their own ideas, and gain more control.

2. Give pocket money regularly. Children's so-called lack of moderation and gratitude for spending money is that they have no sense of how much money they have, and they are not spending their own money. Parents pay a lot for their children and are not seen, and the children feel that this is the result of their own "efforts" ("trouble", children think that they "fight"), so it is natural to spend money. Parents can formulate an appropriate amount of change plan according to the different stages of their children, and distribute them monthly, so that children can have the opportunity to spend their own money. Families provide daily food, clothing, housing and transportation, as well as additional hobbies, snacks, and social interactions, all of which allow them to spend from their pocket money. Parents have the right to suggest money expenditures, but they have no right to decide, and if there are advances and advances, they need to be deducted from the next month's pocket money in time. Let the child have the opportunity to control his own life, social interaction, interests and hobbies, cultivate the ability to spend his own money, give him the opportunity to plan how to use his wealth, and even have the opportunity to earn money; Increase adolescent child's sense of control over their own life, learning, and life.

3. Improve communication. As children grow up, it is inevitable to fight for their own right to speak, so it is necessary for parents to learn to delegate moderately. Parents try to keep their mouths shut and talk less, learn to listen and empathize, know how to show weakness and appreciation when appropriate, and talk to teenagers in a relatively equal way, which will make communication more effective and smooth. If you find that you can't solve it, you must learn to seek professional help.