Why is there a growing gap between families and families in the same place?

It turns out that the strong are getting stronger, and the weak are getting weaker - that's it"Matthew effect".

In other words, money is given to those who are not short of money, love is given to those who are not lacking in love, good luck is given to those who are lucky, and bad luck is for those who are miserable.

Why doesn't this society hoe the strong and help the weak?Not what we imagined?

When you doubt this society, a series of questions will come up: "Why is it always our family that is unlucky?" Why are all the people around me targeting me? Why doesn't God have eyes? ”

If the parents in the family, as mentioned above, are accustomed to putting themselves and their families on the side of the "weak", then they have fallen into the trap of the "victim mentality", the home church is bad, and the family will continue to slide to the bottom of society.

01

Cynical parents cannot raise children who "fit into the world".

There is a mother who is thrifty and has no bad habits.

However, during a physical examination at the unit, she was found to have breast cancer.

After being hospitalized for several months, her condition was under control, and the unit held a welcome ceremony to let her go to work.

One day, she sorted out a paperwork, and before she finished it, she went to the bathroom. A colleague in the office, with a few papers, went to report to his boss. Among them, there are documents that she is still commuting.

When she found out that the documents had been taken away, her first reaction was-"I" was targeted, and it should be that everyone in the unit thought that "I" was sick and couldn't do my job better, so they tried to drive "me" away.

In the next period, she found out that she was not invited to a small event in the unit. I feel more and more anxious that I am being targeted by the unit.

Continuing to go to work with a sense of anxiety, she made frequent mistakes, which led to her dismissal from the unit.

From then on, she decided that the world was as black as a crow. Society is bullying the weak and afraid of the hard, and after he gets sick, he is completely an abandoned baby in the world.

As a mother, she repeatedly told her children: "The world is too bad, and there is no hope for the development of the times." In the world to come, evil will be rewarded ......"

She pays more attention to the negative news in society. Everyone has been studying for many years, but they can only deliver takeaways; Whoever supports the old man is blackmailed; Who is the corrupt person, but gets away with it......

Writer Liu Yue said: "The biggest feature of the 'victim mentality' is that we find the reason from others when encountering problems. ”

Anyway, all faults, including one's own poverty, sickness, and ignorance, are caused by the world. When children grow up, the setbacks they encounter are all caused by society, and the world is always bad and there is no hope in sight.

02

Parents who ask for sympathy will not raise children who "treat others fairly".

Have you ever found such a person? : I am a victim and you should help me; I'm weak, I'm reasonable.

Ask for sympathy from others anytime, anywhere. Once you receive sympathy, you can receive money in handouts. After being gived out, they are not grateful, believing that it is "what I deserve".

As adults, parents are accustomed to asking for sympathy from others, so parents will also think that their children should also be sympathetic, and children are really pitiful.

Parents will also be afraid that their children may be hurt at any time, and they must be cautious of outsiders and be suspicious of anyone.

In the American TV series "Evil Deeds", the mother Didi has always raised her daughter as a weakling.

After the birth of her daughter "Little Rose", her mother protected her strictly. The mother also found that her daughter was frail and needed to use a wheelchair to get around.

Usually, mothers and daughters appear in front of the world, and they are very pitiful. My daughter can only eat liquid food, and it is difficult for her to grow up.

When the daughter was twenty-three years old, she finally woke up and thought that her mother was controlling her, so she found a boyfriend and asked her boyfriend to curb her mother...... The family tragedy began.

Pathologically, there is a phenomenon called:"Proxy Meng Qiaosen Syndrome".

In other words, someone deliberately fabricates some illness in order to gain the attention of others; Use illness to seek the sympathy of others, to meet one's own psychological needs, etc.

Once outsiders don't help, they will be angry with outsiders, and they can't get along well with anyone.

Relatives don't sympathize with themselves, they are too indifferent, and they break off relations; The doctor did not arrange a good bed for himself, it was too immoral, and he was scolded; Someone in the community, who doesn't help himself buy things, is too hateful, and comes to the door to find trouble...... Such an attitude should be feared by everyone, and ghosts will hide.

03

Parents who give up on themselves cannot raise children who are "self-reliant and self-reliant".

"Nobody cares about me; All bad luck is in my house; It is useless to toss; It's useless to read", such an idea, kept in the minds of parents, then it can only lead to "lie down, forget it".

Anyway, there's no way out, so why work hard.

I went to work today, and I earned a few dozen yuan, so I rested and said after eating. If you can't find a job next time, you can go to a charity unit and don't starve to death.

Parents give up on themselves, and their children work hard to study and grow up, but they don't get the support of their parents, and they don't even have the money to buy books. Then everyone lay down together.

But if their children's school grades are a little better, but the next time they are a little bit worse, their parents will definitely say, "Look, I know it's not going to work, it's in vain."

In a lifetime, I can't be relied on, and stealing my life is the best outcome.

04

Quit the "victim mentality", and the family will really get better.

Writer Wang Haiyuanyang once said: "The most difficult company in the world to run is the family." ”

It is indeed the case that parents, as adults, do not have the word 'easy' in life, and they have to educate their children well, which is like adding insult to injury.

若父母從受害者，變成受益者，家庭馬上會好起來，如冬去春來。

There's a good saying"When you choose to attribute part of the negative event to yourself, you begin the first step of recovery. ”

Specifically, do three things.

First, learn to look introspectively to see where you are wrong and where you can win. Then you can play to your strengths and avoid your weaknesses, and the sunshine of life will come.

Second, learn to see the world, and find that there are still many good people in the world; A person's giving and getting are not equal, but there is always a reward for paying; All people with good lives have a desirable side; In the cracks of society, there is also spring.

Third, learn to look back, and once a complaint comes, look at the problem in reverse. Behind the cold winter is spring; The indifferent man is the one who spurs you on; Failed sons and daughters are the beginning of success; A helpless husband who is strong enough to stand on his own.

Don't complain because the sun sets, know that no matter how long the night is, it will also usher in the dawn.

Don't suffer because of the injury, know that eating a trench grows wiser, and scars are a gift from God.

A good family is not without thorns, but it can fight its way out of the thorns.

It is often that when you become stronger, the efforts behind you can add fuel to the fire.