"Disobedient", "Poor test scores", "Naughty"…… These words that parents often whisper in their children's ears will gradually make children lose confidence.

In real life, many children are not confident.

Investigate the root cause,A large part of this is due to improper parental education.

The following 8 points are the behaviors that parents can easily do wrong in the process of educating their children and hurt their children's self-esteem.

If these behaviors are not avoided, they can greatly hurt a child's self-esteem.

Ignore the presence of the child

If parents do not listen to their children, ignore their children, and ignore their children's existence in the early stages of their lives, the children will think that this is a normal behavior and a normal relationship between people, and the children will not be able to build self-esteem.

An orphanage in the United States organized a group of female college students, who would regularly come to the orphans for a certain period of time to hug, touch and other physical contact caresses.

As a result, the orphans behaved more gently each time they were caressed.

Here's whyChildren are born with the need to be noticed and lovedIf the child feels neglected and not valued, he will feel that his self-esteem is hurt, and the smarter and more sensitive the child, the more deeply it will be hurt.

Many parents make all kinds of excuses not to listen to their children, and the common reaction of young children is:

"My parents didn't explain anything to us."

"Mom and Dad only say what they want to say, and they won't listen to what I want to say!"

Therefore, if the child behaves disrespectfully and cannot calm down to listen to others, we can determine that the person closest to the child usually does not listen attentively to the child's speech, does not meet his wishes as much as possible, and inadvertently causes damage to the child's self-esteem.

Destructive criticism

When a child does something wrong, parents hope to make the child change his shortcomings through criticism, and we see criticism of the child's behavior as a force.

When this force is applied to the child's behavior, i.e. your criticism is directed at his behavior, the child will develop in the direction you want.

On the contrary, if this force hits the child's personality value, that is, you attack the child's value as a human being, it will make the child feel that he has no dignity and no value, and he will slowly really lose his self-esteem and worth.

Today the child did not finish his homework seriously, and you accuse him:

"Why don't you love to study so much! You're just a kid with no perseverance! ......”

You are directly attacking his personality, he is just not serious once, and he will become a child without perseverance if you say a word.

The child's mind is left with a message like this:

"My mother said that I was a child who was not serious, had no perseverance, and did not like to study."

These negative evaluations of the child's personality will remain in the child's subconscious and form a negative anchor.

And on the other hand, he would think"I've been studying for so long, I've only been playing for a while......"

He'll come up with a big push for the reason, and your criticism doesn't do anything to make him realize his mistake at all.

If your child is rebellious, then your child can still be saved.

Because it shows that he still has self-esteem, and if you hurt his self-esteem, he will take up this shield against you.

It's like when a person is in a hurry when he fights, whether it's a broom or a knife, he can use it as soon as he takes it.

Our child reacts in the same way, he doesn't care if what you say is right or wrong, and he is always ready to fight back.

When the child once he has given up on confrontation:"Anyway, if you think I'm a liar, then I'll lie!"

It shows that the self-esteem has been broken and completely broken.

For a child who has no self-esteem, you are no longer able to correct his behavior through words.

We see how many parents have "worked hard" to destroy their children's self-esteem, and then complained:

"How did he become such a man?"

Isn't that enough of a warning for parents?

Publicly criticized his shortcomings

Too often, children are disobedient and repeatedly "make mistakes" in front of others, and we parents feel that our self-esteem is hurt, so we scold our children loudly.

Our traditional educational philosophy thinks this is normal.

As everyone knows, public criticism can only make children temporarily deter from pressure and dare not resist.

What's moreIt can hurt your child's self-esteem.

You don't need to speak too much, one time is enough, and you can hurt your child's young heart at once! Parents must understand that even the youngest minds can be very sensitive.

Failure to receive enough respect early in a child's life can lead to the child's self-esteem being inexorably stifled.

On this issue, many parents have oneMisunderstandingand they follow the "Former Teacher, Later Wife"Ancient training.

It is believed that in front of outsiders and in the public of the family, the child can be directly educated and reprimanded, only in this way can the child have a memory, be impressed and change the problem.

The result of these wrong practices is exactly the opposite of what parents hope -

Such children behave rudely, rudely, flippantly, and disrespectfully in the crowd.

Please search to see if you have similar behaviors in your homeschooling:

When angry with your own children, scream and curse.

Loudly reprimanding young children:

"Shut up! Did you speak? ”

"If you don't obey again, I'll leave you here, and see who cares about you!"

Intimidate a teenage child with words:

"If you don't obey, don't come home again!"

"I don't have a son (daughter) like you!"

Blame and scold the child's behavior:

"If you don't stay old, I'll peel you off!"

Some parents even resort to making their children kneel in public and publicly humiliate their children in the hope of making them better.

Think about it, is there an adult who can endure the almost abusive treatment of another adult?

And the weakness of the child dictates that they have no choice but to obey.

However, adults continue to stubbornly use the rules of the adult world to forcibly restrain and hurt children in the name of love.

The rules of total disregard for adults are different from the rules of a child's world, and there must be a reason behind the child's behavior.

We personally nurture the impudence and arrogance of our children, and then complain to the world:"How can he be ...... like this kid"

In the feeling of children who are not respected, they are not respected because they are not worthy of respect, so many children who seem to be arrogant and conceited do not seem to be so satisfied with themselves in their hearts, and their behavior is only to treat others with their own feelings.

Therefore, parents should always keep in mind:

In terms of personality, children are equal subjects with themselves, and children are born with the right to be respected. Please respect your children as you respect yourself, your leaders, your colleagues, and your friends.

Don't trust the child

Too many parents don't realize that distrust of a person's abilities is a relentless challenge to human dignity.

When parents are afraid that their children will lie, they are picky, judged, and questioned their children's words, and a seed of suspicion is planted in their children's hearts.

Parents' distrust of their children is also manifested in their ability to recognize the feelings of the sexes, and we believe that children must not be able to distinguish between innocent emotions and dirty emotions.

The truth is that children's feelings about sex and all kinds of things related to them are very natural as they are about other things in nature, and most of the cases in which adolescents develop undesirable sexual tendencies are caused by parental counter-reinforcement.

Compare yourself to other children

The comparison here refers to:Parents compare the strengths of other people's children with the weaknesses of their own children.

We think that comparing ourselves with excellent children will stimulate children's motivation to learn and grow, but this is not the case.

Among children of the same age, there is already a comparative mentality.

This will not only fail to achieve his goal of learning from the best, but will be the opposite of the result hoped by the parents, and will leave a negative shadow of inferiority complex on the child.

This inappropriate comparison may provoke rebellious behavior in a more aggressive child;

For children who are less aggressive, it will leave a shadow in their hearts."I'm not as good as someone else's child, he's valuable, I'm worthless."

The child feels that he cannot hold his head up in front of people. The real methods that we parents need to master are:

Teach your child to compare himself with himself, with his own yesterday.

"Yes, your results this time are better than last time!"

The child is punished in an inappropriate way

Until now, there are still parents who stubbornly believe that "filial piety comes from under the stick", believing that corporal punishment can correct children's bad habits.

The fact that a child is materially dependent on an adult cannot confront an adult does not mean that the child will obey the will of the adult.

As an adult, you can use corporal punishment and scolding to change your child's behavior, but this does not change the child's mind.

If parents do not understand the root cause of their child's behavior, but simply judge it based on their own opinions, the child will not be convinced by your strong pressure.

In family education, parents' blind punishment and scolding can only make children feel isolated and helpless and undignified.

Some excesses of punishment can even breed the seeds of resentment in the child's heart, leaving a negative shadow in adulthood.

Forcing the child to do what he does not want to do

Children are independent subjects like adults, he is not your senior toy, parents should respect their own choices.

If because you are the child's food provider, you have the right to control the child's will, and he has to do whatever he wants, then you are a slave owner, and the child becomes your slave!

Forcing a child to do something he does not want to do is tantamount to ignoring the dignity of the child.This is the "high-voltage line" that parents must always pay attention to in family education.

Conditional love

If a person gives love conditionally, it is equivalent to discounting his emotions.

The most direct consequence of parents conditionally loving their children is that it will make it impossible for children to learn to love and be loved seriously by others throughout their lives.

In the process of educating their children, too many parents do not express unconditional love for their children, but connect their love for their children with their children's behavior.

In life, this is all too common scenario:

"If you become a good student this semester, I'll buy you clothes."

"If you get the top five, I'll take you on a trip."

"Do your homework well, and I'll buy you something delicious."

"If you fail this exam, you don't have to come back!"

Parents' expressions of love are premised on the child's corresponding behavior, which makes the child realize from an early age"Love is calculable and exchangeable."

So he doesn't give true love unconditionally.

Because his love is conditional, he is unable to establish stable loving relationships with others when he becomes an adult, which determines the unhappiness of his marriage.

He will be despised by others in the environment, and finally degenerate into a petty burgher-style snob, hovering at the bottom of society for the rest of his life.

Therefore, please hold the scepter of "love" parents, do not abuse your rights, if the child does not know how to give unconditional love to others, it will be a tragedy for the child's life.