Chatting with a few friends, everyone talked about the problem of the baby sleeping, and instantly opened the conversation.

"Did your kids sleep in separate rooms?"

"Don't mention it, the one in my house, even if the bed is divided, you have to get back to our bed in the middle of the night."

"My family too, his father and I are about to be pushed out of bed by him!"

Listening to everyone's gossip, I suddenly remembered two mothers who had known each other for a long time - they had also been trapped by this "house separation barrier" back then.

But after 10 years, the gap between the two children is immediate.

One: The child is unwilling to "sleep in separate rooms", and 2 mothers do it differently

Mother A is a working mother with a neat personality.

When her child was 5 years old, she began to practice sleeping on her own.

In the first few nights, the child was not used to it, and the family was distressed. But she insisted: "When the child reaches this age, he will sleep in separate beds." ”

Of course, she didn't throw the child directly into the dark room, but took it step by step - from falling asleep with her to gradually retreating.

Even if the child cried in the middle of the night, she insisted on not carrying it back to the bed, but sat on the side of the bed and whispered softly.

After a few months, the child is used to sleeping alone and no longer wakes up frequently at night.

Later, the children were not only not afraid of the dark, but also learned to turn off the lights, clean up the quilts, and make bedtime plans.

When I was in the fifth grade, I planned my own study schedule, I was able to finish my homework without anyone urging me, I always rushed to the front when I participated in school activities, and I was assertive and disciplined.

Mother B, with a gentle personality, also wanted to divide the room when the child was 6 years old.

But as soon as the child cried, she softened: "So young, will he think that I don't want him anymore?" So he dragged it until the child was 10 years old, and he was still lying down among his parents.

Later, she found that her son was becoming more and more inseparable from her.

Learning things slowly, always waiting for others to help;

When encountering a problem, the first reaction is to "find your mother";

I also had separation anxiety before going to school.

She often sighed: "I amIsn't it too much for him? ”

Many people think that "sleeping in separate rooms" is just a small problem, isn't it just a bed, how can it be so serious?

But behind this small choice, there is actually a child's future independence, sense of boundaries and emotional regulation.

Two: Children are reluctant to share rooms, not just afraid of the dark

What do we say most often when children don't want to sleep alone?

"He's timid", "He's too clingy to me", "He's not ready".

But sometimes, we have to ask ourselves --Who the hell is not ready？

Some children are indeed afraid of the dark and lonely, but more often than not, we adults are afraid to let go. Don't dare your children cry, don't dare they be wronged, and don't dare to face the fact that "they grew up".

We will turn our anxiety into dependence on our children.

As a result, children feel that they really "can't do it" and need us more and more, but it is becoming more and more difficult for them to be independent.

In fact, children already have a certain sense of space and boundary awareness from the age of 3.

It's just that he didn't have a chance to practice. And sleeping in separate rooms happens to be a particularly suitable "first separation".

We don't drive him away, but teach him to go out slowly and explore his own little world.

Three: Sleeping is a small thing, hiding the big picture of the child

A child who can sleep peacefully on his own is not just "bold", but slowly learning the following three things:

(1) Operational independence

Don't wait for someone to be reminded, don't be afraid to stay alone, and don't rely on others to solve everything for yourself.

This kind of little independence, which starts from sleeping, will snowball and affect all aspects of a child's life.

(2) Emotional regulation

When a child sleeps alone, he feels scared, lonely, and nervous for the first time.

If we guide them well, they will slowly learn to soothe themselves and regulate themselves, instead of looking for someone to "save the scene" when they are in trouble.

(3) Border awareness

A child who has his own space is more likely to understand the matter of "boundaries".

He knows what he is responsible for and what others are responsible for. This sense of boundaries is an important foundation for a person's maturity.

After 10 years, when the child is in the social circle, will he be able to be self-disciplined? Can you be held accountable independently? Do you know how to respect others and not easily cross the line?

The source of these abilities may be hidden in the years when he was in separate beds, whether he dared to sleep alone.

Four: How to divide the bed, and the child is willing to accept it?

It's one thing to know what to share, and it's another thing to know how to divide it.

Fortunately, we are not "one size fits all", but can gently and firmly lead children out step by step.

Here are a few things we can try:

● Seize the "golden time window" of 6-0 years old

At this stage, the attachment has been established, the language ability is also good, and they like to "pretend to be an adult".

If we can guide them at this time, they will be more receptive to "sleeping in separate rooms" as part of growing up.

If you miss this time, it's not that you can't divide it, but you need to spend more patience. Let's start now and try it one step at a time.

● Help him create his own "sleeping world"

Let your child participate in decorating his room, choosing bed sheets, sticking stickers on walls, placing dolls, and even giving the room a name: "Astronaut Base", "Secret Forest", "Princess Castle", ......

As long as he likes it, the sense of ritual comes.

The child will feel that this is my own little world, and I would like to live in it.

● Transition from "falling asleep together" to "falling asleep independently"

We can lie down with him for a while and tell him a story.

Wait until he is almost asleep before leaving;

Then slowly shorten the time you spend with you until you fall asleep completely.

When he woke up in the middle of the night crying, we could go and see, but instead of rushing back to the big bed, we comforted him and said, "Mommy is here, sleep at ease." ”

This is not to let it go, but to teach him to gradually face the emotions and challenges of "sleeping alone".

● Be gentle, but firm

It is true that we feel sorry for our children, but if we compromise repeatedly, our children will be more upset.

We can hug him tenderly and say, "Mommy misses you too, but we're both practicing growing up." You've done a great job. ”

Let the child know that the separation of rooms is not a punishment, but a trust and blessing.

The pattern of children is not born, but "let go" again and again.

The process of bringing the baby is actually to get closer and let go a little bit.

We can't walk for our child for the rest of our lives, but we can give him a small bed of his own when he is 6-0 years old and tell him: "You can, mom is right outside the door." ”

Many seemingly inconspicuous small decisions, such as sleeping in separate rooms, are actually seeds.

Ten years later, some children have grown into a tall tree, while others are still hesitating in the shade.

Instead of worrying about what the future will look like, it is better to start from the moment you sleep in separate beds and let growth happen quietly.

The more space we give our child, the bigger his world will be.

[The picture comes from the Internet, invaded and deleted]