At some point in our lives, we all encounter situations where we need to comfort others or we need to be comforted. Sometimes, however, well-intentioned comfort can make things worse. Have you ever tried to comfort a sad friend, only to cry even more? Or when you angrily confide in your lover, his comfort makes you even angrier?

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It's not because you or your lover don't care about the other person, but because you have chosen the wrong way to express comfort. Here are some common comforting words that can exacerbate the pain and why they can make the situation worse.

1.“I told you a long time ago, don't……”

When someone shows you their vulnerability, responding in this way is like stepping on their heart. Far from providing support, such comments give a sense of accusation and sarcasm.

2.“Nine times out of ten, life is unsatisfactory……”

While this quote is meant to convey a universal philosophy of life, it often feels like a replic of not being strong or mature enough, ignoring the authenticity and importance of an individual's emotions.

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3.“Don't be upset, it's a big deal……”

This statement trivializes the feelings of the other person and negates their emotional value. Every emotion has its raison d'être and should not be simply categorized as“bagatelle”。

4.“Here's what you should do……”

Giving a solution without asking for it effectively deprives the other person of the right to solve the problem on their own and may be seen as a sign of control.

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5.“You're just too sensitive and overthink……”

It is a personal attack that puts the blame on the comforted person and makes them feel guilty and embarrassed.

6.“Kiss and hug high, come on!”

If such comfort lacks genuine emotional commitment, it can sound very perfunctory or even cold.

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7.“Think about the things that are heartwarming……”

Shifting attention can indeed relieve momentary pain, but doing so when the other person wants to share their inner distress can make them feel like their feelings are not being taken seriously.

8.“Me too, I'm worse than you!”

Shifting the focus from the other person to oneself can make the other person feel that their problems are being ignored, as if they were in a fight“compareMiserable”of the competition.

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How can I comfort others truly and effectively?

Effective comfort is not just about saying a few nice words, it's about creating an emotional connection. The key is to understand and support the other person's emotional experience, rather than rushing to offer a solution or change their mood. True comfort begins with listening——Listen carefully to each other's stories, thoughts, and feelings. Getting to the bottom of the other person's experience by asking questions can help them better handle their emotions while also showing that you care about and respect what they're going through.

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Finally, remember that comfort is not about fixing problems quickly, but about giving the other person a sense of security and understanding. When you are able to deal with another person's pain with empathy, even if there are not many words, it can bring great comfort.