Recently, a parent cried and said to me: "My child used to stay up late to read, I thought it was hard work, but later I learned that it was insomnia; He always said, 'It's okay', I thought he was strong, but it turned out to be hard, he was addicted to games, I thought he was just playful, but I didn't expect it to be escaping reality...... these seemingly ordinary "little hobbies" may be a sign of depression. Today, we will talk about how to identify these hidden cries for help, and how parents can pull their children in a "down-to-earth" way.

01

Wary! These 3 "little hobbies" may be a precursor to depression

1. "I can't sleep, just study a little more" - the anxiety behind staying up late

Depressed children often have insomnia, but they may disguise it with "learning". is like the 12-year-old boy who jumped off the building in the case, stayed up late to review before the exam, and his parents praised him for his hard work, but they didn't see what he wrote in his diary: "Closing your eyes is full of mistakes, and your heartbeat is so fast that it looks like it's about to explode." "

What parents do: Talk to your child about something relaxing before bedtime, such as "Which moment made you smile today?" Avoid asking, "Why don't you sleep yet?"

2. "It's okay, I can handle it" - the fragility of being overly independent

Children with depression are often "distressingly sensible". It's like the 16-year-old girl who took a break from school, went to school by herself, ate snacks to satisfy her hunger, and didn't wake up until her parents collapsed. The book "Emotional Self-Help" mentions: "Children who are overly independent are actually desperately proving that 'I don't deserve to be taken care of'. "

What parents do: Reach out and say, "Need help?" Mommy also wants to be needed", so that children learn to show weakness.

3. "I dare to lose my temper in the game" - the emotional outlet of the virtual world

Indulging in games may be a child's attempt to vent pent-up emotions in reality. One recovering teenager told me: "When my teammates scolded me in the game, I felt real — at least someone cared about me." "

What parents do: Instead of confiscating the phone, say, "Do you want to teach dad to play?" I wanted to see what fascinates you so much. "

02

3 key points for parents to change

1. From "CEO" to "Tree Hole"

Psychologist Li Hongfu said in "Overcoming Depression": "Many parents treat their children like CEOs evaluate employees, but forget that parent-child relationship is not a KPI. When your child says, "I failed in the math test," don't rush to say "work hard next time," but ask "Are you sad?" My mother also failed a course when she was a child. "

15. 0 minutes of "nonsense time" every day

A recovered parent shared: "I talk to my child every day about 'boring' topics, such as 'Is the stray cat downstairs fat today?', and after two weeks, she finally said, 'Actually, I'm afraid of the college entrance examination'." "Rather than a serious "heart-to-heart talk", children need more relaxed communication.

3. Academic Conference "Drying Wounds"

Children are afraid of failure, often because parents never show vulnerability. Try to say: "Dad was criticized by the leader today, let's go to ice cream together to heal the wounds?" "Let the child understand that imperfection is the norm.

03

Depression is not necessarily a bad thing: an opportunity to revise your outlook on life

There was a story about a Zen master who blamed himself for always knocking over buckets, and the Zen master said, "You see, the overflowing water has revived the wild flowers in the corner." Depression is like the water that has been turned over, allowing you to see the life that you have neglected before. "

Children who are depressed tend to have sharper perceptions. The photographer who committed suicide, Lu Dawson, wrote in his suicide note: "I long for love, but I can't learn to love." This pain just shows that he still has expectations for the good. Parents can guide their children: "People who can feel pain know better what happiness is." "

04

Specific method: 5 small things that can be done without a leaf

1. "Emotional Weather Forecast" game

Let your child describe his mood with the weather every day: "It's cloudy today because my table mates ignored me." The parent followed: "Then I'll bring you a 'rainbow umbrella' - ask her to come to the house on the weekend?" "

2. Set up "Swing Day"

Choose one day a month to allow your child to "lie down completely", eat snacks and skip homework.The book "Emotional Self-Help" emphasizes: "Moderate indulgence can rebuild a sense of control." "

3. Cut the target into "potato chips"

If your child says, "I can't get into a good university," help him deconstruct it: "Get the trigonometric function done this week, and the reward will be your favorite potato chips." "Small wins build confidence.

4. Raise a "little emotional monster"

Pets are the best psychiatrist. One parent shared: "When my daughter groomed the hamster, she said, 'It shivers just like me,' and this was the first time she admitted her fears. "

5. Parent-child meditation for 0 minutes

Observe the breath together and say, "Inhale like smelling flowers, exhale like blowing out candles." Instead of emphasizing "you have to meditate", just say, "Try it, is it fun?" "

05

Remember this quote from a psychologist

"Depression is not the end of life, but the key to rebooting the soul." When children learn to look for sunlight in the cracks, they will understand the resilience of life better than their peers.Parents are encouraged to read "Emotional Self-Help" and "Overcoming Depression", there is a quote in the book that says it very well: "Sometimes, healing is not about getting rid of sadness, but learning to live with it." "

Change starts with acceptance. When you stop asking "why are you like this", but say, "I'm here", the door to the child's heart will really open.