01

A few days ago, I read the story of "Noriko Kogi" with my son, and I was deeply moved.

Ouyang Xiu lost his father when he was 4 years old, and the burden of the family fell on his mother Zheng alone, and the two lived in great embarrassment.

Zheng had only read for a few days and could barely recognize some words, but he attached great importance to his children's education.

Even if she was busy every day, she didn't forget to take some time out to tell Ouyang Xiu stories.

She hopes to use the role models of the characters in the story to infect the child, so that he can understand some principles of life as soon as possible.

Later, Ouyang Xiu reached the age of studying, but the family had no money to hire a husband, and he couldn't even afford pen, ink, paper, and inkstone.

Once, when Zheng went to work in the fields, he saw a lot of grass growing on the edge of the pond, and he suddenly had an idea.

She spread a layer of sand on the ground, and then used grass as a pen to teach Ouyang Xiu to recognize and practice calligraphy.

Ouyang Xiu followed his mother every day, squatting on the ground and practicing repeatedly one stroke at a time, until the writing was correct and neat.

Soon, Ouyang Xiu knew more and more words, accumulated more and more knowledge, and slowly developed the ability to recite by eye.

Zheng discovered the child's excellence and began to focus on excavation and cultivation.

The family was poor and could not afford to buy books, so she often took her children to borrow books from nearby houses with a large collection of books, and sometimes asked them to copy good books and read them repeatedly.

Under the careful teaching of his mother day after day, Ouyang Xiu finally became a famous person in the literary world of the Northern Song Dynasty.

Although Zheng had never read poetry and books, nor did he have a wealth of money, he taught his children well, and used his foresight and educational wisdom to break down the barriers of class and cultivate a generation of literary heroes.

But many parents nowadays are always limited to their own cognition, obsessed with hindering and controlling their children, allowing their children to repeat their old ways and bear their own destiny.

02

In the CCTV documentary "The Way Out", two children were filmed:

The firstThe child's name is Ma Baijuan, and he is from the depths of the mountains of Gansu.

In order to go to school, she has to walk 10 kilometers of rugged dirt roads every day, and when she is hungry, she can only drink cold water and eat hard buns. Every day after school, she has to help the family work, fetch water, feed the pigs, cook, and harvest grain.

She is looking forward to getting out of the mountains and changing the predicament in front of her by reading, so she pays extra attention to lectures and completes homework.

But my father thinks that if you go to school, you have to work, and if you don't go to school, you have to work, so why go to school?

Besides, sooner or later, girls will be from other people's families, and a little reading is enough. In the future, having a baby will be a big drag, even if you have a job, you can't do it.

In the end, under the arrangement of her father, Ma Baijuan married early and had children, confined to housework and children every day, and relied on others to survive.

anotherThe child's name is Xu Jia, and his parents are also authentic farmers.

Because he had endured the hardships of being uneducated, his parents had to provide him with food and clothing.

Unfortunately, Xu Jia went through two college entrance examinations and failed to get into the ideal university, and her father passed away unexpectedly.

But no matter how difficult life is, the mother did not rush to let her son give up his studies and go out to work to subsidize the family, but did not hesitate to support her son to repeat his studies for another year.

Her idea is that since this is already the case, it is better to work hard for another year, even if she comes out to work, people must have a high diploma.

In this way, Xu Jia was finally admitted to Wuhan University of Technology, and settled in a big city after graduation.

These two children are also from rural backgrounds, but their fates are completely different:

A continuation of the poverty of the previous generation, trapped in the mountains all his life, with no other way out.

The other got rid of the bottom, broke free from poverty and low self-esteem, and rewrote the fate of himself and even the next generation.

As stated in the book "What the Poor Lack":

"The terrible degree of thinking of the poor, no less than the reaction of atoms, will cause conceptual deviations to children, affecting the luck and life of a lifetime."

The saddest thing about family education is that parents have little cultural background and little vision, but they use their own backward concepts to forcibly guide their children.

In the end, let the child copy his own lifestyle and thinking pattern, and become another self, which is difficult to turn over for the rest of his life.

03

Bloggers@Vv is working on itThere is a powerful hair small, and the results have always been among the best.

She didn't do well in the college entrance examination and accepted the transfer to a 211 university in Shanghai.

In her freshman year, she changed back to her favorite finance major with the first grade in the department, and was later admitted to a 985 university.

秋招時，她早早就收到了上海某商業銀行總行的offer，起薪一萬多，發展空間很大。

What is surprising is that not long after, she was admitted to the civil service in her hometown, with a monthly salary of only a few thousand.

The blogger doesn't understand how a top student who entered the head office after graduation would be willing to go back to his hometown to take the public examination? Besides, isn't the reason why Fa Xiao is so hard to get out of that small city?

But Fa Xiao said that her parents insisted that she must go back, the reason was that they didn't want her to go too far, and the civil servants were stable close to home.

The blogger couldn't help but sigh,The fate of children in ordinary families really depends largely on their parents.

In many cases, the path that parents think is wrong may often be the path that children can change their lives.

I think of a teacher friend who once mentioned to me two students she had led.

Both of them have average grades, but they love to sing and are quite talented. Before the high school entrance examination, they were also very entangled, not knowing what to do next.

The mother of the first girl, Little A, believes that learning art is time-consuming, laborious and expensive, and she may not be able to find a good job to earn money in the future. She hopes that her daughter will finish high school honestly, and after graduation, she will find her a simple clerical job.

The mother of another girl, Xiao B, is different, although the family is not wealthy, she still chooses to respect her daughter.

Because she knows that her daughter loves music, and she will only do her best if she does what she loves.

In the end, Little B entered a music specialty class in a general high school.

With her own hard work and persistence, she was admitted to a well-known conservatory of music as she wished.

When she was in college, Little A had already come out to work and worked as a clerk in a small factory in the town.

After graduating, Xiao B has been working alone, she started as a music teacher in a training institution, slowly accumulated funds and contacts, opened her own company, and became the boss.

In contrast, Xiao A, who hastily finished high school, can already see through his life at a glance.

But Xiao B's face is always full of fighting spirit and expectation, and her future will be even more exciting.

Dong Yuhui once said a very heart-wrenching sentence,Don't give your child advice and don't delay your child.

Many times the experience and advice you give to your child will only block your child's path in advance.

Don't let your own cognition become a cage that traps your child.

04

Do you still remember the "Peking University Archaeology Girl" Zhong Fangrong?

676 years ago, she ranked fourth in the college entrance examination in Hunan Province with a score of 0.

Everyone thought that she would choose some popular majors that "can pick up money" because of her ordinary family background. But she didn't take the usual path, and resolutely applied for the "archaeology" of Peking University.

4 years later, she spoke as an outstanding representative of Peking University archaeology graduates, and then entered the public institution directly under the Gansu Provincial Bureau of Cultural Relics with the first score in the interview.

On her way of growing up, her parents never used their knowledge of the world to imprison their children's unknown. But he knew that he didn't know much, so he silently supported and backed up.

As her mother said in an interview:

"We don't have much culture, and we support what our children like.

My biggest wish is that she will never be like me in the future, let her children become left-behind children, and their family can be happy together, we don't. ”

The starting point of a child's fate lies with his parents.

Many times, it's not that children don't work hard, it's not that they don't have talent, it's that some parents forcefully prescribe a path that is not right.

Professor Li Meijin mentioned in a talk show that her mother influenced her.

At that time, the college entrance examination had just resumed, and she had many good job opportunities to choose from, so she wanted to give up the college entrance examination and work directly. However, her mother firmly supported her to go to university.

Li Meijin was full of hesitation and entanglement: "Mom, if you miss the opportunity to work, you won't have it anymore, and what if I can't get into college?" ”

母親卻說：“考不上大不了我養你一輩子。 ”

It was her mother's courage that gave her motivation and confidence, and she had her later achievements.

Li Meijin said, my life was laid by my mother. And her own education of children is also full of wisdom and pattern.

Compared with Li Meijin's talent and IQ in learning, her daughter is simply a "scumbag".

In particular, my math scores have always been very poor, and I can only score 15 points on papers with 0 points in middle school.

But Li Meijin did not blindly accuse and scold her daughter, staring at her daughter's shortcomings, but worked hard to discover her daughter's interests.

She found that her daughter liked music very much, so she grasped this trait and did everything she could to nurture her in this area.

Today, my daughter is a music teacher, doing the job she loves, and living happily.

The fate of a child depends largely on the shaping of the family and the guidance of parents.

Psychologist He Lingfeng warned our generation of parents in "Life and Growth":

The world your child will face in the future will be different from the world you will face. As parents today, none of us know what kind of world our children will face in the future.

So judging what the future looks like by our values is a particularly scary thing.

When it comes to acquiring new things, your knowledge and experience are not an advantage, but an obstacle.

The future of the next generation is no longer the standard answer.

You simply can't use the life experience of the previous 20 years or even 0 years to guide the life of your child 0 years later.

If you are an ordinary parent, do not control or suppress, do not absorb the child's energy, fully respect the child, and let the child be free in his own way, then it is a good education.

If you have a certain culture and knowledge, you should take a long-term view, broaden your knowledge, and spare no effort to support your child, so that she can fly to a higher level and walk out of a broader life.