Encountering a child who doesn't work hard is really bad for parents. Parents genuinely want their children to be motivated, study hard, and have a sound soul; Work hard to exercise and have a healthy body.

How to change a child who doesn't work hard? 3 keywords, be a deeply aware parent

The 1th keyword is effort

What is Endeavor? In fact, there is no absolute concept, the reason why parents feel that their children are not working hard enough is because their children's efforts do not meet the requirements of parents. The requirements of parents for their children are from their own point of view, so they are very one-sided, which does not mean that the children are really not working hard enough.

Sometimes a child's effort is not as seen by parents, for example, if a child sits at a desk for a whole afternoon, then in the eyes of parents, they may be working hard. However, parents do not know that although their children spread out the textbooks in front of them, there are novels hidden under the textbooks, and this kind of learning is obviously inefficient, and it cannot even be called learning.

So don't blindly deny your child, because once parents always nag in their child's ear that they don't work hard enough, the child will have the illusion that he is really a person who does not learn and has no skills. When children are labeled with such negative labels, even if they have worked hard, they will gradually become label-like people, and even cause children to give up on themselves.

The 2th keyword, change

Just as it takes a long time for a habit to form, so too can it be to change, even more difficult than to form a habit. Because neural circuits have been ingrained in people's minds, and even have independent lives, people will subconsciously repeat them, resulting in habits becoming more and more stable and more difficult to change.

Change is divided into active and passive, if parents want their children to take the initiative to change, they must first learn to accept their children, which includes not only accepting their strengths, but also accepting their shortcomings. Only by letting children realize their parents' recognition of themselves and learn to look at their own problems objectively can they make it possible for them to progress, and this kind of active change will make children better and better.

However, if parents want to change their children passively, it is very likely to cause their children to be disgusted, because they are putting pressure on their children to show their desire to control. No one wants to be willingly controlled by others, not even young children, so they will rebel and even intensify.

Children are reluctant to work hard, most likely because they have tasted the sweetness, for example, when a child is perceived by others as not only playing, but also doing very well in school, the child will give up their secret efforts.

Because they subconsciously feel that their efforts have been discovered, but they have not achieved good results, others will call them stupid. Even if you have good grades, others will not say that you are smart, but that you study hard, and even say that diligence can make up for your shortcomings.

As a result, the child becomes afraid to work hard, which seems to be a kind of behavioral slackness and passivity, but it is actually a way for the child to relieve psychological fatigue. Parents should try their best to look at the problem from the child's point of view and learn to truly understand and accept the child, so that it is possible to change the child's inactive behavior and make the child work hard.

The 3th keyword, bootstrapping

We often say that parents should focus on guiding their children's education rather than arranging them, because the real subject of guidance is the child, and the parents are just providing appropriate points to the child on the side, and the real understanding still depends on the child. Only when the child's subjective initiative is stimulated, then the child will be more motivated and will go wider and wider in the right direction.

How to guide children?

1. Let go of the anxiety in your heart

Parents should learn to truly accept their children, so that they can better understand their children, and the anxiety in their hearts will be reduced. When parents are willing to accept the reality, they will reflect on their own education methods, and look for the causes and consequences from themselves, which may be able to better guide their children.

2. Tap children's internal drive

The child's internal drive is hidden in the heart, in fact, it is the child's internal motivation, but many times it will not be actively expressed, but needs to be stimulated by the outside world. If you want your child's internal drive to be expressed, then you must tap your child's interest, because interest is a perpetual motion machine, and children will only be very active and persistent when they do what they are really interested in.

Parents can help their children plan at this time and set small goals for their children, although these small goals are the decomposition of the big goals, but as long as the child can complete one of them, he will be rewarded accordingly. This method can naturally stimulate the child's internal drive, maybe the child is for reward, maybe the child is for real progress, in short, their internal drive has been stimulated, and naturally it will get closer and closer to the dream.

Help your child start by changing himself

1. Change our eyes

There are actually two sides to what we can see with our eyes, and most of us may stare at one side of the other, but we should also try to see things holistically, so as to promote children's progress. That is to say, the child may not be very good in the eyes of others, but parents must learn to express it in another way, so that the child can recognize his own shining point, so as to maintain it until he improves.

2. Change our ears

Children sometimes speak wildly, saying some arrogant or even disrespectful words, which is the first reaction of many parents is to get angry and scold the child with his head and face. But they never pay attention to the children's hearts, and don't understand why they say this, whether they have been wronged or what needs they have. This will only make the relationship between the child and the parents weaker and weaker, because they feel that the parents do not understand and do not even want to understand themselves.

3. Change our brains

Children sometimes don't have much interest in learning, perhaps simply because they have a problem and want help from others. Parents should try to give their children warmth at this time, tell them that they will stand by their side no matter what, and let them not be nervous or afraid. Give children a little more understanding and tolerance, don't use inherent thinking to measure children, so that parents can see as much progress as possible in their children.

It is really not easy to change a child who does not work hard, our parents are a mirror of the child, we may first have to make changes, the child can change slowly, as long as the child is willing to change, willing to work hard, no matter at any time, it is not too late, more encouragement and support, trust, understand our child, listen to what our child thinks, according to the situation, work hard with the child, progress together, grow together!

Proofread by Zhuang Wu