Lu XunMrHe once said:

We can't just ignore our other life essentials for the sake of love—blind love.

In a relationship, not all efforts can be reciprocated, and it may even be that the more you give, the more the relationship fails.

Love has a scale, and companionship can last for a long time.

A wise woman must know how to stop in moderation, and she must understand a truth:

Be a 100-point wife, a 0-point mother, and a 0-point self.

Unhappy marriages are often due to the fact that women are too wise.

One

The more you give, the less responsible a man becomes

It wasn't until she was divorced off a cliff that Sun Yan had a deep understanding of this sentence.

Sun Yan is smart and capable, likes Zhang Luo, and after getting married, she takes care of everything outside the home and home. Her idea was simple:

These trivial things at home, just have yourself, and men focus on their careers and make more money. Men, you still have to focus on your career.

Besides, the man shouted and moved, and he was clumsy, and he had already been able to do it several times when he trained him to do housework.

Even after the birth of her son, family chores increased dramatically, and Sun Yan only asked her mother-in-law for help. Sun Yan's mother-in-law is a gentle and kind old lady, and she has always gotten along very well with Sun Yan, and her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law partner with children, which is more efficient and more pleasant to cooperate.

In this way, Sun Yan's husband has become a dispensable person in the family, he goes to work and gets off work every day, goes home to tease the children for a few minutes, and then plays games and entertains himself.

Sun Yan thinks that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are harmonious and tacit, and the husband and wife have a clear division of labor, and such a family at least outperforms the happiness of ninety percent of families.

In fact, Sun Yan's sense of happiness is indeed very strong.

Until suddenly it was discovered that the man was on track.

The man's reason is justified:

In this family, I am dispensable, I have no sense of existence and value at all.

In economics there is a concept calledSunk costs, it is also applicable to feelings.

In a relationship, the more a person invests, the more he will be unable to give up, because he has paid too much in the early stage, and the cost of overthrowing and starting over is too high.

And when a person does not invest any cost at all, he may change his course at any time and leave.

In a family, if a woman finishes a man's work, the man will have nothing to do, he will not find a sense of existence and value, and he will look outward for a sense of accomplishment and psychological satisfaction because of emptiness, loneliness and boredom.

Two

If you give too much, men will take it for granted

There is a law in psychology called"Beb's Law"It means that if you are unilaterally good to a person, not only will you not get the other person's gratitude, but you will also make him accustomed to it and take your efforts for granted.

As soon as you give a little less, the other person will get angry and complain.

After getting married, Zhang Qing became a standard good wife and mother. She works while taking care of her children, although she doesn't earn much money, but her workload is already very saturated, and she usually works hard.

Zhang Qing's husband works in a large Internet company, and he is very busy but has a high income, and is the main source of income for the family.

The husband and wife are one inside and one outside, and they cooperate perfectly, and they will soon have a house and a car within five years, and their lives will go smoothly.

In the first few years, Zhang Qing was busy with work and housework, often tired and lacked sleep, and men were also very distressed, and tried to help after work, but Zhang Qing was even more distressed that men were under great pressure at work, and she would never let men interfere if they could not let men interfere.

Slowly, men are also accustomed to stretching their hands when they eat, and occasionally have time to help with a little housework, so they feel that they have helped a lot.

Once the child was sick and made a lot of noise, Zhang Qing hurriedly coaxed for a long time and couldn't coax well, when he was anxious, the man who was playing games in the study rushed out and yelled impatiently:

What do you do every day? A child can't be coaxed well, and it is difficult to rest for a few minutes, which makes people upset.

Zhang Qing's tears flowed out instantly.

Writer Su Qin once said:

The best way to love someone is to manage yourself well and give the other person a high-quality lover, instead of trying to be good to a person, that person will love you desperately. Worldly feelings inevitably have a realistic side: you are valuable, and your contribution is valued.

The best relationship is to go in both directions and give to each other.

Because of him, you become a better version of yourself. Just because of you, he can also be himself as he pleases.

This is what marriage looks like at its best.